Summer and May

Chapter Twenty-Five: May

The distance between Summer's car and the boys seemed like an ocean away. It could have been, because a million thoughts rushed through my mind as I made the fifteen steps it took to get to them. Maybe it was the way Brooks gazed at me with a careful hope in his eyes. It even could have been because Jeremy looked at me with a solemness I almost recognized as jealousy. In the span of ten seconds, I tried investigating every last longing stare and possible outcome. Nothing made sense.

I walked past Jeremy, awkwardly smiling at Brooks as I approached him. Summer and Jeremy walked inside as I saved up courage to ask what the hell happened last night.

Brooks beat me to it. "Can we talk?"

A sigh of relief left my body. I nodded, following him to a few chairs by the lake. It was so quiet on the water, which is what I loved about living on the lake so much. It was always peaceful, even when I felt like I was drowning in my own chaos.

"I... I know we were both drunk last night, but I wanted to set the record straight." Brooks treaded carefully, knowing how I was overanalyzing this from every vantage point possible. "I had absolutely no intentions of... of making a single move on you last night. I hope you know that. I would never, ever, do anything to make you feel uncomfortable, or have you do something you may regret."

"I know," I offered, concerned with his concern for me.

He sighed, his hazel eyes peering up at mine. A flashback appeared to me, and how it felt to have his eyes on me the way there were last night. I remembered his little confessions, how he told me how he felt without wanting to drive me away. How it felt to kiss him. It put butterflies deep in my core.

"Do you remember last night? I mean, I do... But I don't want to press it too hard. I'm sure you're trying to piece everything together." 

I couldn't help but admit what I already knew about Brooks. He was, without a doubt, thoughtful and considerate.

"Honestly, I know something happened between us. I just don't remember how, or when... I'm sorry." I whispered the last part, worried I was hurting him.

He arched a brow. "Shall I tell you?" I nod eagerly. I couldn't take the mystery of it all. "We kissed while we were swimming. It was nothing crazy, but..." he smirked, "it was a hell of a kiss."

I slowly nodded, biting my lip to keep from smiling. "That sounds familiar."

Brooks leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He looked more serious than I'd ever seen him. He was usually so goofy and light-hearted. "Well... do you remember liking it?"

I blushed, cracking a smile. This seemed to release some stress from Brooks, who was still waiting for my answer.

"I mean, I could tell you how it all went down... I was romantic as hell, so..." he pressed a hand to his chest, making a face that made me laugh.

Nibbling on my lip again, I gave in. "Fine. Relive the moment for me. Just... don't do all your theatrics."

He smiled, rubbing his hands together. "Well, you said something about being adventurous this summer. I suggested that we camp instead of sleeping in the house, but then you decided that we should skinny dip." My jaw nearly dropped to the grass. "I knew you'd be mortified if other people were around, but it was just the two of us, so we did."

"Maybe you should stop now. I am mortified."

"It wasn't like that." Brooks assured me, knowing I was embarrassed beyond compare. "We were just swimming around and having fun. It was completely dark, so you don't have to worry about..."

I cleared my throat, visibily uncomfortable. I'd never had a man see me naked. It's not that I was uncomfortable in my own skin; I worked hard to make my body look and feel good. I felt confident in my beauty; that it was a quiet beauty that I possessed. The kind that gets put on a shelf, not necessarily cast aside, but not on display either. I preferred it that way. It seemed in this moment that Brooks appreciated that about me.

"That's good," I finally say, lost in thought. "so... how did we get to the kissing part?"

He blinked, smiling as he relived the moment. "You were so happy swimming around. You looked free of any worries. I told you that you looked beautiful, and you just gave me this look. Like you didn't hear it enough. And so I just... did it. I knew you might slap me, or hate me, but I kind of couldn't help myself."

An unthinkable amount of emotions crossed through my head. The first was flattery. I'd seen Brooks use his moves on other girls, but not yet on myself. I didn't hate the way it felt, but I wasn't sure how I'd feel about it had I done it sober. The next wave of emotions included lots of overthinking, worried how this might mess things up for our friendship.

"What are you thinking, Everett?"

I finally peered up at him with very unsure eyes. The last boy I'd kissed was Jarrett, my ex. He had kissed me on a dare, and we both came back for seconds later that night. It was puppy love, not the kind they write about in the books. We dated for an entirety of six months before he dumped me the day before our senior homecoming dance. And that was it, that was the only boy I've ever dated, and the last boy I kissed. This was a very different arena. I channeled what Summer might say.

"Honestly? I don't remember hating it. I wonder what might happen if we try it again. But..."

"There's always a but." He breathed out a laugh.

"But I don't want anything ruining our friendship. You're going away in the fall, and who knows where I'll be, and..."

"And you know how I feel about you." he interjected. "You also know how much I value our friendship. May, we have eighteen years behind us. Don't you think if we could ruin it, we would have already?"

He had a point. A very good one.

I sighed, my knee bobbing relentlessly. "Okay, that's true. But I... I don't want to feel any pressure to make this work. I don't want it to feel like a..."

"A time bomb?" I nodded. "Then let's remove the pressure. Give me one kiss, sober. Give me one date when we get back home." He flashed a smile. "Just one."

I debated, wondering if this was something I truly wanted, needed--or if this was all in the spirit of an adventurous summer.

"Enjoy our last summer with me." He challenged.

Summer's voice rang in my head as I came to a quick conclusion. I needed to change things. I'd been stuck as a back-up, a sidekick, an over-thinker and a "Girl Next Door" for years -- it was time to try something else for a change. Be something else for change. These next two months were my last two months of being a kid before everything would change. 

I'd already messed up my chance with Jeremy. There was no need to ruin anything else before the summer was over.