Sturniolo Triplets angst/Other Things

𝑺𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝑯𝒂𝒓𝒎~ 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐭

Matt relapses on accident because of an argument that lasts a few days

A/N: This is based on my experience, I know not all SH is cutting/scratching/hitting, but mine is.

TW: self harm (obviously), bullying, arguments, mentions of blood and glass.

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When Matt was younger he would self harm here and there, nothing too intense, he'd maybe scratch himself for too long, he'd take boiling hot showers that turned his skin red, he'd bite his tongue until it bled. It only got worse as he aged, though, he would take nails and stab himself in the legs a few times, he'd take the razors out of sharpeners and slice his arms and thighs until they were covered in blood. One day, when he was 16, he found his favorite thing to use, glass. It was perfect, not too sharp, not too dull, at this point he was doing it all the time due to his brothers fighting and him getting bullied relentlessly. He was sad and stressed, his anxiety would always spike at these times and that's when he would cut the longest and the hardest. He'd always just watch as each cut almost immediately made little droplets of blood show up, some of them more than just drops of blood, feeling his anxieties and stress fade away.

Though it wasn't long before his brothers found out, helping him realize that it didn't help it only made things worse. Even though he didn't fully believe that, he gave them the benefit of the doubt and tried to stop, relapsing a few times but finally he was able to subside for a few years.

That is, until today.

Matt's POV

Today was supposed to be like any other day, me Nick and Chris were supposed to film a video and hang out, but oh no things never go my way do they. I shouldn't be surprised though, we've been fighting for days.

"Matt shut up, like seriously" I hear Nick say from the back seat, I sigh and roll my eyes, "You asked me a question Nick, I was answering it" I say sarcastically, Nick groans "Matt- shut UP! I DON'T CARE IF I ASKED YOU A QUESTION YOU'VE BEEN 'ANSWERING' IT FOR FUCKING 10 MINUTES STRAIGHT" He yells, I jump a little and turn to look at him "Can you fuck off, You LITERALLY asked me a question-" I'm cut off by Nick putting a hand up "Uh- Oh! Looks like nobody fucking asked" he says snarkily, I scoff "You literally asked Nick, you did"

I say, feeling anxiety start filling my chest, not because of Nick, but because of all the adrenaline I was feeling from yelling at Nick. My 'older' brother chuckles "You're not clever Matt, in fact you're an idiot, so I wouldn't be talking over there with how your anxiety is" he snaps, I gasp "Nick are you serious?! What is your problem-" I begin, being cut off yet again by Nick "YOU ARE MY PROBLEM! YOU, YOU, YOU. YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN MY FUCKING PROBLEM. 'OH MATTS UPSET' MY PROBLEM, 'OH NO MATT CUT HIMSELF' MY PROBLEM TOO. JUST GET AWAY FROM ME" silence fills the car as Nick finishes his rant, I sit there with a blank expression on my face, though on the inside I feel like I want to rip him and myself apart, I want to scream I want to throw things I want to hit things, but I don't. Nick seems to have realized what he just said to me because his eyes widen and he puts a hand over his mouth, Chris -who was watching the whole time and giggling- has stopped laughing and is just sitting there, "Nick..why the fuck..would you say that?" Chris asks quietly, Nick says nothing and I turn around facing the front, I start the car and drive us home, feeling my arms and legs start tingling, signaling a relapse.
But I don't do it that night, I won't hurt myself.

The next night was different, tension was in the air and this time it was between Chris and Nick. Great, more fighting, how lovely and perfect is that ladies and gentlemen.
"Nick, go fuck yourself. Like seriously" Chris spats, Nick scoffs "Uh- first of all I haven't said a single fucking thing to you, what's up your ass?" He asks, Chris glares at him and then motions to me, I was sitting on the couch, "You basically told our brother to cut himself yesterday because he was answering a question for too long!" Chris says, raising his voice a little, Nick laughs "Yeah whatever, he didn't now did he!" Chris's jaw dropped and he stood up "Nick.. you're missing the POINT HE COULD HAVE YOU DUMB BITCH, AND IT WOULD BE ALL YOUR FAULT" He yelled, Nick's eyes widened, surprised that Chris was yelling angrily at him "It's really not that serious!" He said, trying to defend himself, but to no avail"NICK ARE YOU- OH MY FUCKING GOD" Chris fumes, running a hand through his hair. Looking Nick in the eyes "You're so fucking stupid, you know that?" Chris said, his tone deathly still and monotone. Nick furrowed his eyebrows "Me?! What did I do! Oh that's right, NOTHING! MATT KNOWS WHAT I SAID WASN'T SERIOUS OR ELSE HE WOULD..."

Nick's voice is now muffled as I've already left and gone to the bathroom, thankfully I found a piece of glass just in time. I make three large cuts, but for some reason they aren't enough.. so I put more, carving all of my stress and sorrow into my skin, letting the glass take all of it away and put it in a jar on a deserted island. I see my blood falling from my arms, Nick's right..I am stupid.. I am a problem, I think as I carve those thoughts into my arms.

Soon I run out of room on my arms and move on to my stomach, making slashes and gashes all around, then I remove my pants and start from my waist down to my ankles. Feeling everything that's been building up just flow back into a river of darkness, I feel my blood on my hands as I slide to the ground, letting myself rest. I hear my weapon fall to the ground and Iet out a sigh, which turns into a sob.

Chris's POV

I hate Nick, he's such an idiot.
Okay I don't hate him, but he's still stupid. Me and him were fighting because of something he said last night in the car, and now we were looking for Matt because he had disappeared.
"This is your fault Nick, if you hadn't been yelling-" I'm cut off "Uh- bitch you yelled first!-" Nick said, I roll my eyes and we make it to Matt's door and open it, "Hey Matt..." I trail off, not seeing him, but I get a bad feeling all of the sudden, so I walk in further and turn towards his bathroom, what I see scares the shit out of me.
"Oh my God MATT!-" I yell, rushing over to him and checking for a pulse, he has one thank God. I hear Nick scurrying around like a rat trying to find the first aid kit. He runs in, tears streaming down his face as we both help Matt. After a while we were able to finish and not call the police, we carried him to his bed and put his clothes on him, then we both laid next to him on either side until he woke up.
After about an hour, he started waking up, "mm..huh- what- Chris?!" He says sitting up, but gasping in pain and laying back down, tears flooded his eyes "I-Im sorry guys I really didn't mean too-"
"No, Matt it's okay" Nick says, wrapping his arms around Matt "it's my fault sweetheart.." he mumbled, I wrap my arms around both of them "It's not anybodys fault, it happened and it's over now.. you're safe, and we can start over" Matt sobbed when I said that "I was doing so good..". I nodded "Yeah, but it's okay. Nobodys perfect man, we all make mistakes" I said running my fingers through Matt's hair.

I was finally able to calm him down reassure him, and we all fell asleep together that night, and the nights after that.

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I hope you liked this chapter, and disclaimer I don't think that Matt or any of them would actually do this.

D. 🕷️