𝐖𝐞 𝐅𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐎𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 | ☆彡𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐢 𝐧𝐢𝐡𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐮☆彡

004

i keep my eyes fixated on the ceiling, mitski playing in my airpods. i cross my legs across my bed.

why do i do this to myself?
why do i make myself sad?
i have no reason to be sad.
i just... am.

i rub my watering eyes and see my mascara rubbing off onto my hands.

i sigh and roll over to my side and look out the window.
there's rain drops slowly falling down the slightly foggy glass.

i make myself hoodie paws and put them to my chest, to get some sort of comfort. as if someone was holding me.
it's stupid, i know, but it makes me feel warm.

there's a loud clap of thunder and the lights flicker on and off.
i sigh, it's one of these thunderstorms.
the lights stay on though.
there's a flash of lightning.

i decided to take a drive, to clear my mind.
i get up and grabbed my phone and airpods.
"schlatt!" i yell.

"yeah!" i hear in reply.

"im going for a drive! i'll be back!"

"alright!"

i take my keys and go to my car.
it's still raining, but i don't even care that im getting wet.
i take my time getting to my car.

im dripping as i get into my car.

i drive to a target parking lot and park. i play mitski in the car.

i start crying, i'm just so tired but it's not the tired sleep can fix.
my soul is tired, tired of always being happy and putting up a mask.

my mascara runs down my cheeks but i don't even care.

the music stops and i get a call from niki.

i answer. "h-hello?" my voice wavers.

"hi dahlia! just wanted to check in, how are you doing?" her voice beams through the phone, she sounds so happy, i can't burden her with my stupid problems.

"hi niki!" i try and match her enthusiasm. "i'm doing alright, just pulling into a target, probably going to go get stuff i don't need." i laugh, it's fake but i make it sound believable.

"are you sure you're alright? you sound kinda stuffy, are you feeling ok?"

"eh, it could be better, but that's the way of life."

"if you ever need anyone to talk to, i'm always here. and if it's the middle of the night for me, call me. i dont care, i care about you."

i feel tears come to my eyes, does she really care about me that much?

"thanks niki, i'm ok."

"ok well i'll let you go, i'm planning on doing a stream later since i haven't in a while, talk to you later!"

"w-wait!" i say, quite clingy. i just don't want her to leave.

"what happened?"

"can you just stay on call with me for a little bit?"

"uh sure!"

"h-how was your day?"

"it's going pretty good! my cat is laying down on me, and i'm watching tv."

she keeps talking about her day and second by second i'm calming down, i listen to her ramble about a book she read and how the author is making a sequel and she's excited.
i just give a "mhm" and a "ooh cool!" every now and then when needed.

"it's raining harder, i may not go to target."

"aw man, well hopefully tomorrow!"

"i hope so, i'll let you go so you can get ready."