GENAHSYDE. -A Jamaican Love Story.

KENDRA!

Anger is a funny thing in that present moment, it's like all your senses has left your body or is about to. And if you allow it to consume you ninety percent of the time you wake up with regret and maybe ten percent of satisfaction.

I know for sure I am ten percent or more satisfied with busting her eardrums. Which the doctor confirm what was already knew. Thanks to Mel keeping me up to date through Lans. The ninety percent I do have my regrets, but not for hitting her. Took me a week to get where Zidane was coming from. I regret letting her get to me in that moment and allowing anger to take control...I hate that I stoop to her level, cause that's what she wanted.

But what is done is done...I get what Zidane was say, but either way am still tired of everything. And hate the person am becoming...like being a Don's woman I have to play a certain role. Are become a different person that am not...and even if I was it's a image I would want to run from.

Today make one weeks and three days since I walk out on Zidane. All of last week I get endless messages and missed calls, but this week... nothing.

I want to call him so bad and tell him how much I love and miss him. But truth be told I think it's best we go our separate ways. We are two different people cut from two different cloth. In my eyes Zidane can do no wrong, is lifestyle is nowhere near perfect and even then I would choose him. I would walk on water for Zidane and I know he would do the same.

And it's scary cause the fact that I know no matter what he does...I will always love him.

The streets and the people are Zidane's life and I get that. And i know what i was getting myself into, am suppose to be the light through his darkness. But instead my light is dimming and am becoming apart of the darkness too. Then I know I have to walk away love or not.

Hearing my phone ringing my heart skip a beat. I have been laying in bed for almost an hour now knowing am going to be later. It's like my world's crumbling down, I cry everyday and night. Food has lose it's taste and I couldn't tell when last I had a good night sleep. I am drained just want to lay in a dark room and cry and sleep and do it all over again. But guess I have to go through the pain before I get to the healing part.

Checking my phone Mel's name is on the screen.

"Hey."

"Just did ago hang up enuh."

"Sup?"

"Kens yuh still inna bed...?"

"Ago get ready now."

That become easier now a day...a puff or bun to the back of my head or my favourite natural curls, no makeup and scrubs. Speaking of scrubs I need to go by Zidane to grab some, cause am running low here, plus some of them are alittle too tight.

"Sis just tek di rest a di week off...yuh really need it."

"Mel mi good..."

"Kens yuh cah a put yuh self through dis...everybod see say yuh nuh good. A last week Doctor Chadwick ask mi if yuh good and yesterday again."

Fuck me...

"Call him if yuh have to...but yuh cah a put yuh self through suh much pain."

"Call him an say wah Mel ...mi sorry yuh life fuck up and yuh just a suck mi in to?...Sorry mi almost kill yuh ex? Or please tell mi how fi stop loving yuh...dat good enough." I reply and the tears start flow.

"Kens."

"It's ok...I'll be ok."

"Anyways yuh did need sumting?"

"Just did need a ride wid yuh, cause mi car nah start. Woulda call Lans but yuh know him nuh deh yah ...suh..."

So apparently Zidane and Lans are in Atlanta for business, since Sunday thanks to Mel for the update. So if I come off early enough this evening I can swing by really quick and grab a few pieces of clothes.