"Are you sure this is what you want?" I ask tearfully. Me and derek are sat in the living room at his house. He called me and asked me to come over. Its been a week since we spoke.. a week since our fight.
"I'm sure" he says quietly. "Its not because of what happened with mark?" I ask, making sure. "Its not.. I promise" he says. I sniffle and a few tears run down my cheeks.
"I'm sorry for flipping out about that.. I know you were just joking around with him" he says. "I'm sorry for not telling you.. and for getting too close to him" I whisper.
"I just need space for a bit.. just while I'm adjusting to these pills" he says. "So.. its not forever?" I ask. "I don't want you to wait for me" he looks into my eyes.
"Do you not love me anymore?" My bottom lip trembles. "Meredith, I love you more than anything.. my brain is just so messed up at the moment, I don't want to accidentally hurt your feelings again or lash out at you" he says.
"I don't care if you do.. I'm here for you" I say. "I know you don't care, but I do.. I made you cry" he whispers. "I don't wanna break up" I say. "I have to" he whispers. I cry harder. Tears run down his cheeks too.
"Why can't you just go back onto your old medication? Why do they always screw it up!?" I ask angrily. "It doesn't work like that" he sighs.
"It takes a while for me to adjust to them" he says. "How long?" I ask. "I don't know, mer" he says. I hug him. He hugs me back tight.
I pull away slowly after about a minute. I put my hand on his cheek, looking into his eyes. He doesn't look like himself. His hair is messy and his stubble is grown out longer than usual. He looks drained.
"You'll call me if you need anything, won't you?" I say quietly. He nods. "Promise me" I say. "I promise" he says.
"I should go" I whisper. "Okay" he says. I stand up. "What about your stuff?" He stands up. "Keep it.. you can't get rid of me for that long" I grin, kissing his cheek. "Bye" he says as I walk away. "Bye, derek" I grab my coat and leave.
Two days later:
I walk into school and smile immediately as I see derek sat on the floor infront of his locker, reading a book alone. "Hi" I walk over to him. "Hi" he says. I sit next to him.
"How are you doing?" I ask. "Same as yesterday.. and the day before.. and the day before that" he says. I sigh.
"What you reading?" I look at the book. He shows me the cover. "Is it good?" I ask. "Its okay.. its a romance, which I don't normally read" he says. "Oh?" I say.
"It makes me miss having a girlfriend" he says. I grin. "Its only been two days" I giggle. "Two days is a lot" he finally looks into my eyes.
"I miss you too" I say. He doesn't smile. I've not seen him smile in weeks.
"Meredith, come on! We're gonna be late to class" Cristina walks over. "Bye der" I stand up and leave with cristina.
Two weeks later:
I'm in bed, sat next to Cristina. She's been sleeping over for the past couple of nights because I was lonely. I miss derek a lot.
I've tried not to be too upset about it, because I know that our relationship isn't fully over. I don't think it ever will be. I believe we'll get back together. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt being apart from him.
We've been texting back and forth a little bit. I don't want to text too much because I really don't want to seem desperate.
Sunday:
Derek: hi meredith. How are you?
Me: hi sweetie, I'm good. How are you doing?
Derek: okay
Me: what have you been up to on the weekend?
Derek: I've just been reading mostly. I've not gone out.
Me: oh. You should've gone to marks party the other day. It was fun
Derek: not my scene.
Me: yeah, I know.. but I went. You would've seen me :(
Derek: I did think about going.. but I didn't want it to be awkward.
Me: it would've have been
Derek: okay.
Monday:
Derek: hello.
Me: hi der
Derek: I miss you
Me: I miss you too
Derek: can we hang out at school sometime?
Me: of course. Have lunch with me tomorrow.
Derek: okay. Bye.
Me: Bye
Today:
Me: *selfie* do you like my hair like this? I curled it.
Derek: yes. You look beautiful.
Me: thank you
Derek: you're welcome. How are you?
Me: I'm good. How are you?
Derek: same as always.
Me: oh :(
Derek: miss you
Me: I miss you too
"Stop reading that over and over" Cristina takes my phone off of me. "I miss him" I sigh. "I know.. you tell me every five minutes" she rolls her eyes. "I just want him to get better" I sigh. "I know" she rolls her eyes.
"Cristina.. I'm just saying that I miss my ex boyfriend, you should be nice and supportive" I say. "I don't care about your boy drama" she says.
"I used to have sex with derek in this bed" I say. "Oh!.. Okay, gross!" she gets up quickly. I laugh.
"That's what you get for being a bitch" I pull her back into bed. She gives me a dirty look. I grin. I lay down and pull the covers over me.
