Diana (Zayn Malik Fanfic)

Chapter Twenty-three

Zayn's POV 

 My things were already returned to my room since yesterday and I am now left alone in my room after Janine and Alice came to check me of how I am doing. Adjustments were made in my room for security purposes and in addition, for health purposes (they think it's not good anymore for me to have a room nearby a window). The windows, which used to be so bare back then, are now covered with blue drapes. It felt more dungeon now but I like it. 

I watched as the wind blows the curtain and it reminds me of the sea waves I used to watch with Lalaine. 

Oh fuck, why am I even thinking about her? 

 I shook my head helplessly. This is hard. Lalaine made a massive effect on me. I mean, she totally had an effect on me. To be honest, coming here isn't just getting away from everyone or from her but because I want to forget her. Yet it seemed that it will take a very long for me to do so.

But I want it to be sooner as possible. After all, she is not worth it. I've wasted enough time on her. There is no way I am going to do the same mistake. Just no. And there is no way I am going to do the same mistake, if ever it happens, with her. 

 I groaned in defeat because no matter how isolated I am from everyone else, I feel so helpless. It's really true that you cannot run from your problems because no matter how you run away from them, they still come after you. They're like shadows you can never leave behind no matter how you try not to want it. Honestly, I regret why I thought of this but then as if I have a choice.

Well, I had so many choices. I thought of pretending that I died in a car crash but for real, I am on a getaway plane heading to a place where no one knows. I even thought of killing myself but then both are just not good. Really. Both are stupid. People think it could either be reckless or just a bad fate. And besides, the first is so cliche, everyone can think of it and it would be so easy for them to figure out everything. 

Then one day, I was walking down the road when I came across a van which is a service for mental patients. I didn't know I would think of such hilarious and ridiculous idea. Who in the right mind would think such? I know it's not nice to play a game but I am being too desperate. I know I sound like I am so selfish yet all I want is to get out from everyone's prying eyes because the more I stay longer on the spotlight, the more I am getting strangled by it. 

The thoughts are just making it hard for me to breathe right now. I shook my head, trying as if literally, the thoughts will go away but it seemed to be so hard when it's bothering you so much.

The bell had rung already and that is the signal for the nurses to feed the patients. I myself is just waiting for either Mack or Rose to come and get me. We are not allowed to get out, most especially me, all alone. A nurse must guide a patient in case something bad happens. Well, yes, except for me. Most of the time.

"Zayn?" A soft voice spoke my name. I turned my head as slow as I could and there, I saw Rose standing in the doorway. Honestly, I did not notice her arrival because my thoughts were too loud. "You can eat now."

I just stared at her and as much as possible, the way how a depressed person stares at another but I also made sure that she won't be creep out. Niall and Harry once told me that everytime I stare at them, without saying any word makes them scared and somehow, creep out.

I stood up and walked towards her, my head down. 

Rose then closed the door as soon as I stepped out. I saw the other nurses already taking the other patients out from their rooms. Some are already out and some of them are staring at me, and frankly, they are scaring and creeping me at the same time.