Diana (Zayn Malik Fanfic)

Chapter Nineteen

Zayn's POV

I never knew I was able to stand an hour of not speaking to either Liam or Louis. Honestly, it was hard but I know that I have to be good at this in order to convince them that indeed, something had really happened to me. I wanted to speak to them so bad, like how I used to speak with Harry and Niall who both knew about this whole charade of mine. I just can't let them know easily the truth. At the first place, Liam and Louis were one of the many reasons I have why I need to pretend like this.

After I returned to my room and being left by the nurse, I was just sitting there by my bed, taking a peek on the window which happens to be facing the parking lot. There, I did not expect to have a full view of Liam and Louis, still talking about something I am pretty sure that has something to do with me.

When I saw them leave, the first thing I did was to take a deep breathe. I've been wanting to do this since but one action I might do might put an end to everything I've done, I've sacrificed and worked on. I feel bad for all of this but at the same, I am happy. I slowly found myself an extraordinary happiness and I found that here in this institution. It's funny actually for someone normal as me to say like that but people believe that I am insane and I have to take credit for what they think and I don't think anymore myself as a normal. I even realised that I am happier and felt more secure here.

I have no idea of anything that is going on as of the moment and I myself has no idea of what is going on with myself. Seeing both of them brought me back those memories I wanted to forget. The painful ones that drove me into deciding of pretending that I have gone somehow insane.

I saw how Liam and Louis were in confusion and at sadness. I know that they have been waiting for me to speak to them. They haven't heard me speak in such a long time, ever since when this dispute began. But the time that I was given with them earlier, the chance I got was something I did not took. Earlier isn't the right time for me to show them that I am not at all what they think, that everything was just a part of my plan. A charade, nothing more.

Sometimes, I would think that indeed, I might have gone crazy. No one in his normal mind have ever thought to pretend insane because it sounded so ridiculous and a plan that sounds crazy. Sometimes, I even doubt myself normal at all because of this but this was the only thing I know that I could easily do to help and give myself a break.

When I finally got back into my senses, I decided to get another piece of paper. Funny I know that I already find my stay here boring. After all, I never expected that I will be but at the same time, I like the idea of having nothing to do, allowing me to sleep anytime I want. When I was still outside, with the lads and I busy with so many things that involves One Direction, I only get a few minutes to sleep and sometimes, even when I need it, I can't help but to stay awake because I end up sleepy later on.

I have no idea of what I am beginning to write but I let my thoughts flow as usual. I started to think about Niall. I know I have seen him a couple of times while I am here and not to mention, supported me in this antic of mine. I know I did something wrong to him while I was busy moping with my heartbreak over Lalaine, even punching him in the process. But even if I have done such kind of thing on him, he did not leave me at all because he knows that support is all I need. The same goes with Harry.

I know Niall as if I have known him since we were kids. The Irish is just like anybody who misses home. Everytime we are on tour, he is the one who keeps getting homesick that sometimes, to lessen his homesickness, we would all begin to speak in an Irish accent which would make him laughing. When he gets hungry, we give him something that reminds him of his family. The guy's got a huge love for his family despite of the huge difference his life was and now. And it is something that I admire about him. He never forgets.