enchanted | james potter

now that we don't talk

" I called my mom she said that it was for the best ... I cannot be your friend, so I pay the price of what I lost and what it cost now that we don't talk. "

For the first time in a while, Keira let herself truly feel the full extent of her emotions. She didn't hide away from them with drugs, or suppress them to a whisper, she let herself feel them, but she didn't know if she liked it any better. She'd never felt such sadness in her life, everything that had happened over the whole school year was catching back up to her and she was feeling the whirlpool of emotions those experiences brought.

Despite being friends with Lily again, she still felt that anger she did months ago, it was just a bit duller, but it was still there. When she saw her and James together, it made her feel that anger, she couldn't shake the image of what they did before Christmas, but at the same time she still felt that sadness she felt after her and James had broken up.

Overall, Keira was feeling like a mess, emotionally.

Keira walked through the crowded corridor with Sirius, making their way to their Transfiguration lesson.

"Ant plans for this evening?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, a hot date with me and my books." Keira said sarcastically.

"Sounds romantic." Sirius joked back.

"Oh yeah it's going to be, I might even light a candle to really set the mood." Sirius laughed at her joke.

"Maybe even put some music on, really get the mood going." Sirius replied, but Keira didn't hear him, instead her attention was on the boy walking past her, Jett Ferrel, "Keira? You okay?"

"Oh yeah, sorry just zoned out for a sec." Keira snapped out of her trance, smiling up at Sirius and letting him continue his suggestions for her evening.

Keira didn't see Jett around the castle much, they didn't have many classes and the ones she did she sat on the other side of the classroom from him. They hadn't spoken since she kicked him out of her dorm, seeing his face one in a while in passing was more hard enough for Keira.

Talk of her overdose had calmed down around the castle, not many people talked about it anymore, they'd all moved onto other things. The teachers still treated her like she was glass and could break, all of them, even the ones that didn't teach her, smiled at her with the same pitiful look in corridors.

. . .

Hi mum,

School is going well, I got an O on my Divination test which is great.

Anyway, I've had something on my mind lately; I met with Lily last week, she apologised for what she did and asked if we could be friends again. I said yes because even though I was incredibly angry at her - and still am - I've missed her a lot. I told her she could date James, I want her to be happy. I don't know if I'm entirely thrilled about it, there's so many complicated emotions it's difficult to decide.

I haven't spoken to James, though, I don't think I will soon, I just don't feel the need to, I have Lily back and I'm happy with that. I also don't think I can be friends with him, there's too much history it would just be too awkward and I know it would be painful. It isn't exactly easy seeing them together around the castle.

Basically, I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed with everything I feel about it, on one hand I want Lily to be happy and if that means she dates James then so be it, but then again I don't think I'm over what happened during the Christmas holidays, I haven't found it in myself to forgive either of them and I have a feeling I won't any time soon.

Josie says hi. I love you and say hi to Dad for me, talk to you next week.

Love, Keira x.

Very soon the next day Keira got a letter from her mum. She felt as though she was waiting a week for it, this is because Julia was Keira's first person she goes to for advise and right now she really needed it. But, once it arrived at breakfast the next morning, Keira tore into it at the Ravenclaw table, blocking out all the noise in the Great Hall from all the other students chatting.

Hello, Keira,

I don't think you should feel pressured to forgive Lily, it was something that was a big deal to you in many ways, you don't have to be friends with her and forgive her at the same time, forgiveness can take time - sometimes a lot of time - it's not a process that should be rushed.

As for James; if you don't want to be friends with him then there's no reason you have to be. You don't owe anyone to be friends with him, your friends understand that there's too much history, but also you do. You know that being friends with him would be hard so you're not talking to him.

I think it's healthy for you to take distance from him. If you two had that much trouble when you were in a relationship, then being friends could be the same and neither of you need that pressure.

Everything you've chosen to do will be for the best. You might have a change of heart in a couple years or maybe months, but right now you're prioritising what you know to be the most beneficial option for you. Don't ever apologise or let people make you feel bad for doing that.

Also - that's great to hear about your Divination test and me and Dad say hello to you and Josie.

Lots of love, Mum x.