My Eywa || AVATAR

35 🍂 My Death, and My Birth 🍂

After lunch, Harper and I would immerse ourselves in the task of washing the dishes together. As the water flowed and drops fell, amid rinses and drying, I felt the urgency to express what was on my mind. I needed to talk to her, to understand her perspective. I had already revealed my plan to Mo'at, and now I faced the most difficult part: sharing it with Harper.

Gently, I dropped her name into the conversation, my hands busy with the dishes. "Harper," I called, seeking her gaze as we continued our task, "there's something I need to tell you."

I noticed how her expression suddenly changed, a mix of seriousness and concern crossing her face. Although she continued with the dishes, she looked up at me and asked, "Is something wrong?"

I filled my lungs with air, and without hesitation, I let out the words that weighed on my heart. "I want to leave," I admitted, feeling the pain permeate every syllable. "I want to go to the Metkayina clan," I added, searching her eyes with a hint of fear at her possible reaction.

Her lashes trembled, blinking with surprise, clearly painting an expression of astonishment on her face. Carefully, she placed the dishes on the table, giving me her full attention. "Go to the reefs?" she managed to say with a barely audible voice.

I nodded, a tightness in my throat as I struggled to find the right words. "Yes," I murmured, letting the simplicity of that answer speak for itself.

"But you know you'll be able to do it," she asserted with a calm voice, although her diligence in cleaning tasks revealed a subtle restlessness. Her words flowed with the tranquil cadence of a serene stream. "Perhaps it's not the perfect time to visit the Sullys yet, but you'll soon have the opportunity. I'm sure Norm will join as well," she continued, her hands moving quickly over the dishes, as if the act of cleaning could reinforce the conviction of her words.

I reached for her arm gently, halting her movement. Our eyes met, and my heart skipped a beat at the gleam I saw in hers. "I'm not just talking about visiting them," I confessed delicately, holding her gaze. "What I want is to leave, permanently," I admitted, my voice trembling with sincerity.

"But you'd have to permanently adopt your avatar form; there's no way to sustain two bodies there. Besides, humans are not welcome in the oceanic clans," she stepped back a few paces, scratching her head as she paced in circles, pondering. "It would be madness to do it," she sighed, disheartened.

"Yes, it is," I replied with a nod conveying my full agreement. "It's madness," I whispered softly.

But then, my voice gained strength, carrying with it the sadness and pain rooted deep within me. "But isn't the true madness living a life in solitude, an empty life without him? Without them?" My tone rose, infused with a melancholic sadness and the weight I carried in my chest. "He has taught me so much that I no longer know how to go on without him. Isn't it, in fact, the real madness to live without the person who gives meaning to my existence? Wherever and however that may be," I allowed my emotions to flow freely, releasing the feelings and sorrows that had been suppressed since the departure of the Sullys.

"Oh, sweetie, come here," she called affectionately, enveloping me in a warm and comforting embrace.

After a few minutes, when our heartbeats regained their steady rhythm, she broke the silence with her gentle yet attentive voice. "Are you sure about what you're saying?" she asked, seeking clarity amid my tumultuous emotions.

"Believe me, I've pondered it for days," I shared, my tone revealing the gravity of my thoughts. "I spoke with Mo'at yesterday, and she agrees to perform the transition ceremony so that I can depart," I confessed, maintaining the embrace, as if that contact were the anchor I needed to stay steadfast.