•Give• Jeongin Centric

Page ④

Today started off.... different.

"Do you ever feel like you're not good enough?"

The question caught me off guard if I might be honest, not many people ask me such philosophical questions.

For a moment i think, it isn't exactly a question I've come to prepare myself for.

In the end I settle to answer with a little white lie.

Maybe it'll suffice.

Seungmin has nothing to worry about anyway.

He's perfect.

He's smart,

And pretty,

And independent.

Everything I wish I was.

"Well... I don't think so... I try to find the best in situations. Why?"

Seungmin rolls his eyes at me, annoyed.

"Of course you don't, I don't even know why I bothered to ask you, Mr. Perfect-know-it-all. Just forget I asked it's not like it matters anyways."

And with that he left.

And I'm left to sit in my own silence.

Is that really what he thinks of me?

Why....

I mean, I wasn't even good enough to make Seungmin feel better.

Who am I if I can't even give my friends comfort from their own minds?

As far as I'm aware no one has ever thought me to be good enough for anything.

Well maybe except for Chan and Hyunjin.

But they're my closest friends so obviously they would think of me in a "good way."

They have to.

A sudden touch felt on my shoulder turns me around.

"Hey Innie! What are you doing here? You look really pretty by the way!"

Felix greeted me as he wore his signature bright smile.

He looked flawless as ever.

No makeup, no imperfections.

Oh to be him.

"Oh, hey Felix. Thank you by the way, but I was just studying for the English test next class. What are you doing here?"

I question him with clear confusion on my face. I tried to make it seem like I didn't hear the compliment, it's not like he meant it anyway.

Felix almost never comes to the library for lunch, usually sticking with the five other people in our friend group apart from me and Seungmin.

At my questioning he smiles, sincere and amused.

"Oh, right! I came in here because the cafeteria is more crowded than it normally is, so I wasn't able to buy lunch. Everyone else was struggling with the same problem, they should be coming in a bit."

The confusion in my face clears.

"That makes sense. Are you hungry Lix? I have a lunch packed already if you want it, I had a huge breakfast and I don't really feel like eating right now."

The offer was like a habit, I can't have my friends starving all day, it's bad for their health.

"Really Innie? Are you sure? I don't want to just take your lunch like that if you don't want me to."

His eyes fill with worry at my offer.

Almost filling with some sort of suspicion.

Even with his lack of nutrients he still finds a way to be the perfect considerate person he is.

So to ease his conscience,

And make myself less suspicious,

I smile and say,

"Go ahead Felix, I promise I'm full enough as it is."

At my response he does no more worrying and takes the lunch.

I had to give it to him.

Even if it meant adding to my starvation.

I didn't need to tell him that I haven't eaten since last week.

It's not important anyway,
as long as he can eat I'll be okay.

Besides it's not like it matters anyway, I have to keep up with their looks somehow...

:)