•Give• Jeongin Centric

Page ①⓪

It's been a while since I gave something away.

So today when I was told

"I like your ring jeongin. Where did you get it?"

I took the opportunity to smile, act like I hadn't been avoiding our entire friend group.

I took off the ring.

"Oh it's just something I found at the store one day... you seem to like it a lot, you can keep it if you really want it."

Changbin looked at me curiously.

Almost like he was suppressing a thought.

"Are you sure?"

No.

I wasn't.

"Positive."

My smile seemed to have convinced him that my words were true.

But I couldn't help but regret it.

After all it was a gift from my mother.

Before she.... changed.

I didn't talk for the rest of class.

And I didn't meet my friends for lunch after either.

I don't think they quite minded.

They didn't come looking.

And I didn't have to "eat."

I was grateful.

It meant I could check on the bruises too.

I almost didn't want to look at my reflection.

It was pathetic really.

But I had to look at the coverage correctly or I would risk being found out.

And no one should worry about me.

They have enough to worry about.

So once I was satisfied with how everything looked, I left.

"Jeongin?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin.

His voice was so soft.

And it sounded so... sad.

He looked sad.

"Seungmin? What's wrong?"

He looked at me with tears in his eyes.

When did my job as a friend fail?

I took him to a secluded corridor and sat down.

He took my lead and sat as well.

Even rested his head on my shoulder for extra support.

"Jeongin I... I hate feeling like this."

I frowned.

"Feeling like what min?"

"Jealous."

My confusion made itself known.

Who would the Kim seungmin be jealous of?

"Jealous of who?"

"You."

I tensed.

And I think he felt it too.

"I'm... I'm sorry it's not in a malicious way... I just... I wish I could be as perfect as you... you always have everything in control and I admire that about you way more than you know."

"What do you mean?"

"Sometimes I see you and how everyone else looks at you... you're our everything... you're so amazing jeongin... you handle everything by yourself and you don't even complain, i just don't understand."

By now he's crying.

I move to hug him.

I whisper to him like he's a delicate flower.

"Nobody is perfect seungmin you know that... and if someone were... it would be you."

He cries more.

I'm stricken with the humanity of it.

Of our conversation.

But I feel numb.

He's crying and I feel numb to it.

So all do is give him my comfort.

Because if I can't give him anything else,

At least I could say that I made him feel better.

Later, when i go home and I see myself in the mirror,

The worthless,

Pathetic,

Overweight,

Nobody,

At least I would draw blood knowing that I gave my last bit of comforting words to someone who needed it.

Someone who isn't myself.

:)