•Give• Jeongin Centric

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I woke up in a haze. Most days like this seem to consist of little to no emotion for me, especially in the morning. I cant seem to get my mind straight so instead of dwelling on it, I decide to get up, which ends up in me getting dizzy and needing to sit back down a minute anyways.

Damn.

Maybe I'll try to eat something today. I don't want to start my day by collapsing. But that's when it hit me, the date.

Its been two days.

Meaning that today was Friday. The day I was going to be going over to Jisungs and pretend like I still enjoyed what it meant to be alive. Pretending like I was still the same jeongin everyone expected me to be, even though I know that my facade has slowly been weakening over the past few days. They've been asking to many questions for my liking, and really, I can only come up with so many excuses.

I sigh. I'm already tired and I barely just woke up. Nevertheless I headed to the bathroom to take a quick shower, trying to rinse myself of all my imperfections and overwhelming thoughts. It works for a while, until I realize that I still have the rest of the day ahead of me, and I'm not trying to be late. I walk out of the bathroom towel over my body, shielding myself from the judgments of the mirror, and pick up my uniform to change into. It's not the most comfortable, but it gets the job done right?

I check my phone and see that I have more than enough time to head out and walk to school like I planned. I really need to burn the extra calories. I grab my bag for school and head downstairs, hoping that I don't have to run into anyone and start up my facade earlier than planned.

Wishful thinking am I right?

"Hm... I don't suppose you'll be eating breakfast will you? It doesn't really look like you need it." My mom says, looking me up and down critically as if me entering the kitchen was a crime, well... to her it probably was. I force myself to smile as best as I can, because of course this is my luck, I laugh bitterly and reply "yeah right... I'm good mom." Thanks so much for worrying about me, I think rolling my eyes.

"Good. I hate thinking about spending my money on a waste of space like you. Now go! I don't want to look at you any longer. And don't bother coming back tonight, if you do and I'm gone, you'll end up sleeping outside." She looks at me in disgust one last time before turning around and entering her room again.

My eyes water. I always say that what she says doesn't affect me but how can it not when it's my own mother? Am I really that terrible of a son? I wipe my eyes, trying my best not to ruin my makeup I worked so hard on. I head to the door, knowing that nothing is waiting for me here anymore, and close it, locking away my biggest insecurities with it.

'Time to start my walk towards hell' I think, putting on my headphones and slowly making my way towards the school. Let's just hope that today is different for once. I really need to focus. Who knows what the group will think of me if I don't at least try.

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By the time I arrive to the front entrance of school I still have an extra 15 minutes before classes actually have to start. With that in mind I head to the library, it's the only place in here that I actually find peace in, the one place I can say I belong. I turn to the left and keep walking, starting to get closer to my destination, but of course I can't ever be left in peace.