•Give• Jeongin Centric

Page ②①

It's been another week.

And now it's Thursday.

I have yet to return to school.

The others have been collecting my work.

And the staff know of my... condition.

As of right now I'm not to return to school until next Wednesday.

So in my free time I continue to write what I can.

Writing is my way of truly being me.

The me who isn't judged.

Plus my therapist says it's good for me.

She says that when done right, it can relieve me of my burdens.

But I don't know.

I mean it helps... I guess.

It's not much but it's something... you know?

I still have thoughts.

Thoughts of not wanting to be happy.

Of not deserving it.

However I find that the thought of my friends alone helps me combat my negative feelings.

The fact that they of all people think I deserve happiness keeps me going in a way.

I may not be able to see their reasoning, but maybe I don't have to.

The thought in itself is enough.

Honestly speaking, I think they're the only reason why I've made it so far.

I thought I'd be dead a long time ago.

But they give me meaning.

A meaning I thought I'd lost years ago.

I didn't know it but the day we all became friends was the day I found my real family.

Almost like we were meant to meet.

Meant to heal together.

So as much as I have tried to give to them.

They have given me so much more.

So much that most of the time I didn't ask for.

I didn't ask for any of it.

But I didn't have to.

With them it was always natural.

There was always something to give and to take, fairly.

I didn't deserve it.

If you ask me I still don't.

But to this day, and forever onward, I am grateful they chose me.

They had all the opportunities in the world to leave.

And yet still I find them willing enough to stay.

Even on the days that I can't show up for myself, they do it for me.

So in honor of the memories I've made so far, I write.

Not just because my therapist said so, or because I always have.

But because I know that one day I'll look back and say that it was worth it.

That it was real.

That in the depths of my despair, they were there.

There have been more times than I want to admit where I almost gave up.

Except, all seven of them were there to give me more reasons to try.

This situation, of course, was no exception.

They are my gift as much as I am theirs.

At least that's what they tell me.

Of course there will always be a voice telling me that it won't last.

That it never does.

There's bound to be a catch, sadly there always has been.

Even so, I'm prepared to learn to live with the ruthless war my mind has started.

Because what is life if not a gamble?

Im willing to bet that life is more than what meets the eye.

Perhaps now, after everything, I'm ready to see it.

Let's hope that doesn't change.

:)

A/n: first off I apologize for not updating last week I had some finals to study for :(
But! I just wanted to say thank you SO MUCH for 3k reads I am so eternally grateful. I really never expected this lol it's insane so tysm!
Anywho, much love from me, please make sure to take care of yourselves, I'll see you fairies next chapter <3