•Give• Jeongin Centric

Page ⑤

The question from yesterday is still echoing in my mind.

Why?

Because I know I lied about my answer.

I'm never good enough.

But I can't tell people that because they'll never believe me.

Or they'll just reaffirm my own thoughts.

And honestly that's everything I don't need right now.

People depend on me.

I'm supposed to be reliable.

"Hey Innie"

I turn at the call and am met with my best friend Chan.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my house today so you, hyunjin, and I could hang out like we used to."

He sounded so hopeful.

I couldn't say no.

Not even if it meant hurting myself by being around the two people I admired the most for being so damn perfect.

Why couldn't I just be them?

"Sure hyung, I'll join you and hyunjin later."

I used my most convincing smile and my sweetest tone.

It may be fake but he doesn't need to know that.

I gave him a reason to smile.

That's more important right?

Right...

"You'll never be the reason for someone's smile Jeongin, just accept it already!"

Ha.

I proved you wrong.

But it's still not good enough.

"Great! I'll tell hyunjin then so we can go to get food before going to my place!"

My smile fades a bit.

Oh Chan why did you have to bring up the food...

I can't keep up with you as it is.

Why do you have to remind me...?

"Oh... okay hyung! I'm excited now!"

There I am again with the smile.

"Of course you're excited innie! You get to hang out with your favorite people and get food like you always do!"

Like I always do, hm?

Well I guess that's going to have to change isn't it.

"Oh also Jisung was wondering if you got the last few notes from history class cause his dumbass was too busy staring at the 'love of his life' lame excuse if you ask me."

"Sure thing hyung, just tell him to bring my notebook back as soon as he can!"

He smiles sweetly, something so genuine is seen in his eyes.

I wish the same could be seen in mine.

"Thank you jeongin i'll tell him. You're the best!"

And with that he walks off with my notebook in his hands.

Let's just hope Jisung doesn't decide to be curious.

I would hate for him to see the rest of the pages.

He still admires me for some reason.

I would hate to ruin his image of me.

Because who am I if not kind and perfect?

The answer is no one.

I would be no one.

My generosity is all people see me for.

It should be the only thing people see me for.

Please.

Please tell me it's what they see me for.

:)