I miss you.
Or maybe, I just miss the memories.
The person I knew is no longer the person you are.
It's almost like I don't know you anymore.
Or maybe, I never knew you at all.
We're like strangers all over again.
"Strangers" who know each other's names.
"Strangers" who still hold each other's secrets.
So, we're "strangers," but, not really.
Two people who once knew each other.
With an unbreakable bond.
Or so I thought.
I guess time truly does show someone's real character.
The longer you "know" someone, the more true colors start to show.
Their real intentions begin to reveal themselves.
And over time, I realized the person I was looking at was someone I didn't know as well as I thought I did after all.
I began to realize that I fell in love too young and too quickly.
Not only that, but, I fell in love with the idea of who I wanted you to be or who I thought you were.
I painted this perfect image of you in my head.
I invented you.
Created a version of who I wanted you to be.
Someone who loved and cared for me.
Who was selfless, supportive, and protective of me in the best way.
You said and did all of the right things at all of the right times.
You pretended to be the best person, who was there when I needed it most.
You pretended so well that I believed the person you were showing me was real.
It was manipulation, a lie.
And I was dumb enough to fall for it.
Who you pretended to be in the beginning is the person I long to connect with again and wish you still were so badly that it hurts.
I fell in love with a version of you that I created and painted an image of in my head so long ago.
But, that person never existed.
There was only ever a narcissist.
Someone who used manipulation tactics to make me believe they were exactly who they knew I needed them to be.
I'm in love with a version of you that deep down I know does not exist anymore.
A version of you that may have never existed to begin with.
I fell in love with a narcissist.
And I feel so stupid.
For loving him so much that I didn't even realize I forgot how to love myself.
And that is the saddest thing I have ever done.
The worst part of it all is not even seeing the signs or realizing he was a narcissist until I was already too far gone, in too deep, and it was too late to walk away from it.
