If life were a book...
Then I'd go back and rewrite every single chapter that I let someone come back into my life.
My heart is so big that I always wanted to see the best in them, even if there was no good to see, and think that it would be different or be better every single time.
Even when all they did was mistreat me, make me hate myself in the process of trying to show them the love I so desperately needed myself, and make me believe that I truly was worthless, "too much," or just simply not enough. I never deserved any of the shit I went through. I didn't deserve to be treated the way I allowed myself to be treated by people. I didn't deserve any of that and they knew it too.
I'd go back and redo all of it just so I could learn how to say no when they tried to come back every time. I knew better than to let people put me through hell just because I was too terrified to lose someone I loved when they were never even capable of loving me the same way I loved or cared for them, not even a fraction of it.
Nobody deserves to lay in bed at night feeling the way I have for so long.
Crying so hard you feel like you can't even breathe, but, trying to stay quiet so that nobody hears you completely falling apart.
Having tears silently rolling down your face until you fall asleep.
Wondering what it is about you that makes everyone leave.
Wondering why nothing about you is good enough for anyone to wanna stay. Why nothing you do is enough for anyone. Why you aren't enough.
It is genuinely one of the worst and most painful feelings in the world that I've grown all too familiar with.
