Atychiphobia
(n.) fear of failure; fear of not being good enough.
I think that ever since I was a kid, I have always felt like I was trying too hard.
There was this constant urge or need to want to fit in.
But, at the same time, there was also always this nagging feeling that I wouldn't ever be able to fit in.
Fitting in never really worked out that well for me.
I was never good enough for everyone.
I wasn't as good as them in their eyes.
They were always better than me in some way.
Rather it be that they had more money than I did or came from a family much more wealthy than mine, were in more sports than I was in at school, or just had a higher social status than me.
No matter how hard I tried, how many jobs I worked, or how smart I was, I never felt good enough.
Still to this day, it seems like I'm always bound to fail.
Like regardless of what I do for anyone, it won't ever be enough.
I could give someone the shirt off my back, every last dollar I had, go out of my way for them, bend over backwards, and still not be good enough.
I've felt like I've had to fight for or seek some sort of validation from everyone because I was terrified of failing them or disappointing them.
Until I realized, I didn't need it.
Because if I wasn't good enough for them, they don't deserve me anyway.
