I think I just woke up one morning and decided not to keep allowing myself to be miserable all the time.
I realized that I didn't want to keep feeling that way.
I was tired of letting myself be consumed by nothing but hurt and pain.
I woke up one day and just felt indifferent.
Not mad, not angry, not upset.
Just indifferent.
I don't really think about you anymore.
I no longer cry for you.
My eyes don't get that stinging or burning sensation whenever your name gets brought up anymore.
I quite literally have no tears left to cry.
The urge to let those welled up tears stream down my face isn't there.
There's a part of me that feels like I still want to hate you.
But, I can't, no matter how much I wish I had it in me to do so.
I won't harbor resentment towards you.
I have no wish to resent you.
The only thing that I really and truly wish for, is for us both to be happy.
For the both of us to be healed fully.
To feel at peace with each other.
At peace with the situation.
With life itself.
We both deserve to know happiness.
To know the feeling of genuine happiness.
Know what it feels like to truly fall in love with life.
I think it's safe to say the phrase "I still wanna see you eat, just not at my table."
I still wanna see you do well.
But, I believe that it's best to love you and cheer you on from a distance.
The relationship and bond that we have always had wasn't ever good.
It was always toxic.
That's all it ever was and all it will ever be.
You are bad for my health and I'm finally learning to accept that.
Until we cross paths again...
