"Unbroken Threads: A Woman's Journey Through Hardship and Purpose"

Hitched

From day one, Kin and I agreed that he would be the breadwinner and I would be the homemaker. Previously, I had been a working single mother with two baby daddies, but now I was a wife and mother. After all the trials and errors I'd been through with the guys in my past, I thought I'd finally landed my Prince. It didn't take long for me to realize that a marriage can't thrive on convenience alone.

Kin had worked in customer service for various airlines at our local international airport his entire adult life. He made decent money, which was plenty when it was just him. However, we quickly realized that his income wouldn't suffice for our family. He decided to start his own customer service business in the airport. We believed that owning a business would bring in more money, which it did, but there were also a lot more bills. (And I do mean a lot.)

Profits were not guaranteed. Nothing was guaranteed. The only way we could survive was through child support from Boss, food stamps, and Medicaid. Out of desperation, I sold every piece of gold and diamonds I had ever received. I even pawned the wedding band I had bought for myself to buy diapers. (Yes, I bought my "own" wedding band.) Desperation became the story of my life.

To make matters worse, Kin's family was like succubuses. We had a one-income household, while his siblings were all married with two-income households. That didn't stop them from constantly asking for money. The worst part was that he would give it to them. I hated it. My marriage was plagued with selfish people he loved and respected. He was blind to the fact that they were using him, trying to buy their love and admiration. I was willing to give him mine for free, but that didn't count for anything. They were his priority.

Every time I tried to stand up for myself, for him, and for the betterment of our family, I was suddenly the problem according to him. I was wrong when I blasted them for using him and taking from our family, leaving us with nothing. Somehow, they convinced him that I was an evil witch who came to ruin his life and control him. 

There were moments when I wished I had stayed in New Jersey with Boss. Whenever I felt lost, alone, sad, and hopeless, I tried to convince myself that I was following the divine path designed by God, even though I knew deep down I had carved out this path for myself out of impatience and a desire not to wait on God. I had repeated the same mistakes, constructing a narrative based on my immediate desires and diving in headfirst without seeking alignment with God's purpose for me. If only I had stepped aside—hindsight is 20/20.