"Unbroken Threads: A Woman's Journey Through Hardship and Purpose"

God is Good!

Turns out that the faceless man in my dreams was my husband. There's nothing like being stuck in the house with your soon-to-be ex-husband, 4 young adult children, two cats, and a dog for 19 weeks straight. The United States government has labeled it quarantine. I on the other hand have labeled it, what one would call the H-word. HOPE! Before the pandemic, I was calling it quits on my marriage and was looking forward to the future as a single woman. Quarantine has changed my spirit completely.

There have been so many losses over the past year. Entire families have been lost to Covid-19. Somehow this time has also helped mend families. Kin, me, and our kids have had the time to hash through some of our stuff. The oldest two who are not biologically his have forgiven him for his ignorance and inability to love them properly and unconditionally.

With not much else to do, Kin and I have shared a lot about our upbringings and traumas. Turns out he never truly knew what love was. Godly love. For Kin, the love that he knew was conditional. Determined by what he could do for the people who claimed to love him. Financially, physically and emotionally. He was afraid of not being loved and couldn't love because he just didn't know how.

At work, His happy, funny, and caring persona was just that. He played that role very well. Outside of us and our family, Kin was that dude; always handing out money, laughing, and making jokes. With us, he was cold, stern, and crass. It's crazy because he was comfortable enough to be his authentic self with us unfortunately his real self was an a-hole.

During the quarantine time, he began to finally let us in. It was the first time since the first month of our marriage that I had hope. My dream man had a face and it was my husband's. I was in awe of how he was growing. He was spending time with each kid and enjoying it. Not talking at everyone but listening and responding with ease and care. Divorce was off the table and Kin and I started making plans for our future together. We planned to travel the world once the pandemic was over.

Kin and I connected in ways that we hadn't before. We were sneaking kisses, cuddling, and sharing a level of intimacy that I never knew we could. A connection is what my heart had been longing for. A connection I got. Kin also apologized and admitted that he knew he let his Sisters and Brother manipulate him and cloud his judgment. They accused me of using him (which I wasn't but, they were) and trying to control him (which they were but, I couldn't and wouldn't do). They advised him that laughter and love would lead to chaos and confusion. Now if that ain't the devil talking.

Here's the lesson: Never take advice from miserable people who are unhappy in their relationships. They just want you to join them. Just to think that we'd wasted 15 years of marriage being miserable because of poor advice from someone who didn't mean him well.

It's time to move forward. Time to make love not war. So, as my kids would say when they catch us smooching..."Carry on!"