"Unbroken Threads: A Woman's Journey Through Hardship and Purpose"

I Keep Fallin'

Soon, we were essentially homeless. Without a home of our own, the four kids and I often stayed with my mom, sleeping on couches, futons, air mattresses, and floors. My husband stayed with his family, sleeping on their floors. Occasionally, we joined him in a hotel, but most of the time, we lived separately. Although it felt wrong to be married and living apart, God knew where I needed to be. Here's why.

I spent months in pain, with multiple hospital visits, while my mom and sister cared for our kids so my husband could continue working. Abnormal test results revealed a baseball-sized ovarian cyst, which had caused my bladder to prolapse. I needed a complete hysterectomy and bladder repair. Surgeons had to remove my uterus, both ovaries, fallopian tubes, and cervix. Remember, the previous surgeon had warned me I probably wouldn't survive another abdominal surgery.

I prayed and stepped out in faith, but with all the turmoil in my marriage and life, my faith was shaky. Not because God failed me, but because those claiming to be of God used His name to harm me. Kin's family, in particular. They either believed the negative things Kin told them about me or were upset they couldn't manipulate me as they did him.

I survived the surgery, and my faith in God was solidified. Three months later, another mishap challenged my faith again. I found myself in the hospital fighting for my life once more, requiring emergency surgery due to a perforation in my small intestine. The surgeon cleaned the bowel from my abdominal cavity and removed part of my small intestine. It was touch-and-go for a while. I woke up in the hospital with my abdomen completely open, needing to heal from the inside out. I almost died and felt mentally and emotionally shattered.

Many people prayed for me, telling me how great my testimony would be. As I began to heal, my sadness turned to joy and appreciation. The most faithful woman I knew, my Grandma, came to pray with me. She had a spirit so strong it seemed like she had a direct line to Jesus. She spoke life over me and prayed day and night, reminding me of God's love. She had survived abuse and eight gunshots from my grandfather and never lost faith. Who was I to do anything different? Again, God proved the doctors wrong. I required weeks of home care, but I was grateful to be alive.

Within months, I began suffering from abdominal adhesions, which caused constant pain. I spent most of my time in bed. I developed cardiac issues due to stress from multiple surgeries, leading to syncope from low blood pressure and complications from pain medication. An abdominal abscess formed from a rogue surgical clip, requiring additional surgery. Other health problems followed, including lumps in both breasts, a bad gallbladder, and appendix, all requiring surgery. My relationship with God strengthened, but these events affected my ability to parent and be present.

Kin and I had been married for years. I thought going through all this together would strengthen our bond, but it didn't. He began to nitpick, especially about my friendship with Boss. The hatred was unwarranted and hurtful. My oldest kids loved their dad and wished we could all be together as a big family, but Kin wasn't having it.

Boss always respected our marriage, took care of his kids, and even helped us financially when needed. Kin's insecurities and jealousy strained his relationship with my oldest kids, who had never experienced such behavior before.

Boss passed away from dementia when our son was 16. I recited a poem at his funeral. Originally, Boss left money to our kids in his will, but one of his oldest daughters, who wasn't his biological child, changed the will and stole their inheritance. It wasn't about the money; it was about honoring his wishes. 

The loss of their dad was far greater than the loss of money. If it wasn't one thing, it was another. My kids, King and Mai, were angry and hurt for a long time. The loss of their inheritance was nothing compared to losing their dad. I felt like I had failed them, especially by marrying Kin.

Kin constantly criticized their dad and gave King a hard time about everything, leading to rebellion. Mai tried to protect King when I couldn't. No one should have had to do that, and I know my choices are to blame. They both had scars, seen and unseen.

Fast forward a year. After a breast biopsy revealed I had atypical hyperplasia in my left breast, I opted for bilateral mastectomies with reconstruction. Unfortunately, less than a week later, I developed a full-blown infection, requiring a two-week hospital stay, antibiotics, and surgery to remove the expanders. I decided to stay flat.

Two weeks after coming home, I received devastating news: my grandmother, who had just finished praying for me, had a massive stroke and was headed to be with Jesus. I made it to the hospital in time to say my final goodbye. I lost two major parts of myself just days apart. I was broken.