"Unbroken Threads: A Woman's Journey Through Hardship and Purpose"

#redflags

Honestly, there were plenty of red flags, but I ignored them.

**Red flag #1:** He promised I'd have a car when I moved back to Florida. No car. He'd sold it and given the money to his sister for her vacation after convincing me to sell mine. He had no explanation except that she needed it.

**Red flag #2:** He said he'd have an apartment for us. Instead, he was still sharing one with his sister. I left my place in North Carolina and ended up crashing with my grandma, sleeping on air mattresses with my two kids.

**Red flag #3:** His sister advised him not to marry me, or at least not yet. He nearly reconsidered after I had given up everything in North Carolina—my job, apartment, and car.

That's when I should have walked away. But I was determined not to let her dictate my life. My mistake, because it turned out I'd always be second to his sister.

Despite the warning signs, we rushed into marriage to pretend we waited until after marriage to be intimate. As a married couple, the kids and I could move in with him and his sister. So there we were, married and living in one bedroom with my two kids. Everything I planned had fallen apart, and life was a mess. I felt embarrassed and like a terrible mother. 

I prayed my ex wouldn't find out about the conditions my kids were living in. Kin seemed great in theory, but I began to wonder if he was truly meant for me, or if I just convinced myself he was. Two weeks into the marriage, I knew I had messed up. Deep down, I knew before the wedding, but what could I do?

In theory, my plan should have worked. Kin claimed to love me for years. In retrospect, it was lust. He wanted to possess me, not love me. I felt like a trophy he'd won, someone he was content with just having. He barely touched me after we got married. He charmed me just enough to get me, then turned it off as soon as we said, "I do." I would have made the same mistake regardless because I wasn't listening to God's plan for me.

Despite barely talking or touching, we somehow had two more kids in quick succession, two girls named Sage and Eden. Having four kids, three via C-section, took a toll on my body and my health deteriorated. Financial struggles followed. Kin became more of a tyrant, especially towards my older kids from previous relationships. He was useless with the younger two. His personality was as dry as a desert and he lacked compassion. We couldn't talk without arguing. My body was scarred from surgeries and my heart was shattered.

He wasn't affectionate—no kisses, no hugs, no "I love you." Sometimes, I could barely get a hello out of him. Love had become just a word with no meaning. Kin's temper often drove me away, not because he hit me, but because his words were cutting. The children suffered too. Any connection we had vanished after breaking our vow of celibacy. If we had waited or taken the time to truly know each other without lust, we might not have married at all.

We let lust lead us into something we weren't ready for. Now, we were filled with anger and resentment. If you can't breathe life and love into each other and let it spill onto your kids, then re-evaluate. Anger leads to death, not literally, but it stops you from reaching your full potential and being a light in the world. My light dimmed, and I was re-evaluating. This is my testimony. 

After our last child was born, my health declined. That third C-section had complications—I developed an abdominal hematoma. I spent days in the hospital fighting for my life. I surrendered to God's will, whatever it might be. Things worsened, and I had emergency surgery to stop the bleeding.

After days of recovery and over ten pints of blood transfusions, I started getting better. My surgeon warned me never to have another abdominal surgery. At home, I faced weeks of home care. We were barely surviving on one income, and now we had even more to worry about.