Her Two Bosses (NaNoWriMo '23)

Not being okay

Two months later...

Evangeline woke in her bed with a start. Another nightmare, memories from when she captive at Primo's. Over time, the drugged haze images started to become clear. She painfully recalled her being violently raped by Primo and his men. Their faces, the way they leered at her as she was held down, violated over and over. Their hands grabbing and hitting her to comply. All of it made her sick again.

Her body was healed with barely a trace of the abuse, except for the tattoo, but her mind was still a mess. She wanted to leave her condo, to go back to work. The first day out after leaving the hospital, she had a panic attack when she neared the town car to see it was not Howard there. He died of his wound. He died trying to protect her. She was still scared to even visiting his grave to pay her respects to him.

Rake and Leo arranged for everything to be done from home. The empty room was now an office with a desk and comfortable chair for her use. The agendas were sent to their phones, still color coded in her own way. She was placed on speaker phone to take notes for meetings that they attended. This helped her keep her mind occupied for a good portion of the day.

Rake and Leo were either at her place or their own next door outside of work and business. They were patience, giving her space and time as she needed it. It was erratic at times. One moment, she could be pushing them away and the next, she was grabbing them, holding them close. They kept their anger in check for nothing that she was doing was her fault. At times, she was still processing what happen to her.

Today was no different from the last. She took a shower without the lights on for she did not like to look at her body. The tattoo that Primo has etched on her hip was still there. She dried off and dressed in the dark. She started to lay out her clothes in advance to look put together. Even with working at home, she would still wear her dress suits to make herself feel like she was at work. She applied her make-up at her vanity.

She walked in the living room to grab some coffee when she saw that Rake and Leo was standing there. They had spent the night, laying close to her, barely touching. Sex was not even being discussed at that point. She had urges at times, but her mind made it feel like it was wrong. The voice in her head was her worse enemy now. Seeds of doubt still being sowed about if the men really loved her or just stay because they pity her.

"Good morning. How did you...Leo, your bleeding!" Evangeline rushed to him. The front of his white shirt was dotted with red. Her hands went to the buttons to open it to see the cause.

"It is okay, angel. I scratched myself." Leo assured her, trying to keep her hands away. She looked up at her. He was an excellent liar to everyone, but her. She buttoned his shirt to see the long, angry red marks coursing his chest. Scratching enough to cause the blood. She drew her hands back, remembering that her nails felt odd that morning when she washed her hands. Like there was something under them.

"Oh, God. I did this to you." Evangeline whispered, taking a step back from him. There was pain in her voice.

"Angel, you were having a nightmare and trying to claw your neck. I grabbed your hands to stop you." Leo told her, stepping to her. His arms were open and his hands out. "I did not want you to hurt yourself."

"Clawing the absolute shit out of you is okay!" Evangeline yelled. She took another step back. Leo and Rake paused. "Not leaving this condo is okay. Having to reply on deliveries and you two for groceries is okay! No, it is not okay. I am not living anymore. Just here, not being okay!" She turned and ran back to the bedroom. She closed the door and collapsed against it. She was crying, shaking at the fact that she hurt Leo.

Rake and Leo were still in the kitchen, not daring to move. They wanted to hold her, tell her that she will be okay. That things like this take time to move pass. The energy was no longer there. The candle that had been burning at both ends was nearly gone. Between their businesses, and searching for Primo while caring for Evangeline, they were simply burnt out.

"Later. We will save this for later." Rake sighed, placing his hand on Leo's shoulder. Leo nodded as the men went out the bedroom door. They told Evangeline that they were leaving for the office, and they would be back late for they had to take care of a few things at Velvet Rose. Evangeline choked out a goodbye to them, slipping her fingers under the door. After touching her fingers, they left.

Evangeline sat on the floor; she lost track of time. When she got up, she saw that it was well past nine. Walking about her condo, she felt the walls starting to close in. She went out of her balcony for some fresh air. It was cooler now for the year was moving into the autumn months. She looked out to the park, seeing all the changing treetops.

The noise from the city below caught her attention. She peered over the railing, seeing the cars and people moving about their day. It was hypnotizing in a way as the flow of things happen before her eyes. The noise became quiet to her ears. She was just looking, feeling weightless. Like a bird. Like she could fly.

Evangeline gasped as she grabbed the railing to steady herself. She realized that she was leaning out far, like she was trying to...jump? She sat down on the patio chair with her hand over her mouth. A million thoughts crossing her mind. Did she want to die? Would it hurt to let go? What would Rake and Leo do?

No, she did not want to die, just wanted to be free again. The prison of her mind, the fear that ruled her every step. She had the keys in her hand and was failing to insert them into the lock. She was safe within her walls, but she was slowly dying from them.

"Remember, mo chroi (my heart in Gaelic). One step forth is better than standing still." Her grandmother told her that one day when she was afraid to try something. Her fingers went to the empty place at her neck. Her rings, destroyed by Primo with a hammer. That was why she was clawing at her neck. She was trying to find her rings in her sleep.

Evangeline moved back inside and when to her closet. She pulled off her suit, finding a pair of worn jeans and flannel to pull over her blouse. She placed her ankle boots on. Armed with her purse, she stood at her front door. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and stepped out.

Evangeline fought the urge to rush back inside. She held her ground, locking the door behind her. To the banks of elevators was her next challenge. She calmed her breathing as she stepped into the elevator car. Choosing the ground floor, she listened to the hum of the mechanics.

Evangeline stood on the ground floor, looking out the glass walls to the streets. There were people living there, going about their day. She wanted to be a part of living again. She pulled out her phone called Selene.

"Hey angel baby girl. How are you doing today? Need me to get your something?" Selene asked, knowing what Evangeline was dealing with. Selene had been another rock for Evangeline for the last two months where the men could not be.

"Moonie, could you join me for coffee at the shop on Fifth and Rowe?" Evangeline asked.

There was a pause of silence. "Do you want me to pick you up?" She asked in total surprise.

"No, I am going to walk there." Evangeline replied confidently as she pushed open the glass door. The air, the sounds, even the smells were incredible. "See you in a few." Evangeline told her. After hanging up, she started to walk down the sidewalk. One step at a time. Her grandmother's voice whispering the saying in her ear.