If Only

Chapter 27

It would be a week tomorrow since I kicked Skye out of my place. How foolish right? I pushed him away and expected him to come begging back to me. Life is going on so normally, it's as if all the drama never happened. Funny. It doesn't feel like a week. It's more like a year ago. I turned on my phone to see the damage after movie night with Enzo. There were more than twenty calls from Skye but he didn't leave any messages. Thank the heavens Enzo kept me distracted or else I'd retreat back to my hibernation. He really fixed me up with his insanity. We laughed and talked and had a tiny pop-corn war towards the end. The sweet bugger didn't even stay the night. Though he did leave at four in the morning but I ain't complaining. Who knew a clumsy boy in the park would be my redemption? Too dramatic don't you think Si?

I sighed out loud catching the attention of off the librarian as I walked back into the library. I hadn't been there since I met Kai. I don't even know why I was here. Maybe I was looking for a distraction. Maybe I was hoping Kai was still there. Why I expected that? Please don't ask me. Why I wanted him after he so obviously made it clear he wasn't interested? Please don't ask me that as well. It's like I just craved someone else's company. I walked by all the shelves running my hands along the spines of the books, as I moved towards my favourite spot.

But I wasn't empty like it always was. A figure was hunched over a book. I was still a bit away from the spot and couldn't make out who it was. Maybe it would be no one, but I couldn't help myself from hoping it would be Skye. I walked closer trying not to startle the occupant of my seat when my elbow brushed across some books and made one fall onto the floor. It was an epic face-palm moment. The person turned around so fast I thought he would get whiplash.

A smile was beamed from both ends. "Hi Sia.", he said looking almost apologetic. I walked towards him. "What are you doing here Kai?", my smile was small and reserved. How was it possible that the universe give me what I want? There had to be a catch. He stepped around the chair and closer to me. I stood about an arm's length from him. "How are you?", he said but he wasn't smiling anymore. Something was up. "Why are you here Kai?", I cut to the chase. No point wondering and analyzing his expressions.

He paused and looked worried. What the hell was going on? I was getting more and more annoyed by the minute. "Kai...", I started but he butt in, "I'm sorry okay Si. I didn't think it would reach that level."

It was my turn to look confused and worried, "Wha...", but before I could get a question in, he spoke up again, "I shouldn't have used you like that. I'm so fvcking sorry. I didn't mean for it to escalate so much. I hope she wasn't too big of a b!tch."He spoke in one breath but it was getting too confusing so I had to stop him. "Wait...hold on...back up a moment...used me? She? Who the h3ll are you talking about?", I was angry now and my voice had risen passed the tolerable volume for a library. People shhh-ed and stared. Kai flinched under the growing scrutiny and put his hand on my arm, I'm guessing to take me to somewhere more private. But I wasn't having any of it. I pulled my arm out of his grip and put a finger up.

I was going to control myself. Obviously from what I heard this was doomed. So I was going to take the universe's sh!t head on. I lowered my voice as I continued the conversation. "Why don't we sit down?", I said as I walked to my usual spot and waited for Kai to take a seat. He looked like he was caught red-handed. I sighed. Okay let's get this over with. "What are you apologizing for Kai?", I said looking at him dead in the eye. He looked so confused I actually felt bad for him for a second. He assumed something had happened, due to something he did, but he didn't know I had no clue.

"Well..", he started off tentatively, "..did you get Maia's calls?" Sheepish. That was his look. "No.", I wasn't going to overreact. I was totally going to underplay this.

"She must've called you about ten times last week.", he said wringing his fingers together. "Well I didn't get any calls from a girl called Maia. What was her business with me?", I said keeping my face stoic. But my mind was screaming.

Please don't tell me you have a girlfriend

Please don't tell me you have a girlfriend!!!

PLEASE DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!!!!

"She thought I was cheating on her with you. She is my girlfriend.", he said looking down at the table top.

Well isn't that fantastic. I sighed internally. I should have known he was too good to be true. "And what did you mean when you said you used me?", I said with the same expression though I was quickly losing it. I had to leave before I broke down.

"Well...", he began and paused. "Spit it out.", I yelled earning more shh-es and stares. "I actually agreed to coffee with you hoping she would see. You see I was having problems with my relationship. She didn't worry or bother about me anymore so I ......Si wait!", he called out as I walked away from him. The librarian glared at me. I walked right out to the commons and turned around. What I wanted to say to him had to be screamed at his face so I need to get out of the library. "Okay listen up Kai...kenneth...whatever the fvck your name is...", I said poking him in the chest, "I'm not a toy you can use..."

"I know that...."

"...shut the fvck up...of course you don't know that...why else would you 'use' me, as you so eloquently put it." I emphasized 'use' with air quotes and kept on yelling. I had earned a small audience but I didn't care. "I am not interested in your sad and almost dead relationship. I don't give a fvck what is going on in your life right now cause you fvcking lied to me...", I started poking him in the chest again. From where I stood I saw Hannah in the distance. I looked away from her as soon as she spotted me. She would be here in a minute dragging me away from the scene I created.

Kai kept quiet the whole time just taking it all in. "I have feelings and I hate being lied to.", I was yelling still. I saw a blonde petite girl push her way in front and look at me wide-eyed. No one else had that expression. They seemed to be enjoying the fight. So I continued with full gusto. I ran out of things to say so I started repeating stuff.I was so angry and I just had to take it out on someone. "You can't fvcking use people for your own selfish agenda. I..." ,I had opened my mouth to say something but I heard a loud crack and a collective gasp. I turned in the direction of the perpetrator as I held my stinging cheek. The small blonde was red in the face and fuming. Kai looked wide yed and ran between me and the girl. "Dafuq Maia.", he started screaming but she cut him off.

"Couldn't take a hint the first time huh &lut?", she yelled at me over the loud ringing in my ear. I vaguely heard Hannah yell and run up to me and then I was being pulled away as Maia was restrained. She kept shouting obscenities at me. I was the victim but she made me feel guilty. Guess my unlucky streak was still going strong.