About You || Anakin Skywalker x OC ||

(46) Awake

"Hurry up we don't have time, avalanches in my mind, I'm getting buried in this dream." 

-The National

I'm wide awake.

The events of today reply in my mind as I twist and turn, trying to make sense of the world. One moment I had been in the vision with Sidious/Anakin, the next I was in front of Obi-Wan in a battle. My heart hammers in my chest as I try to piece together how I got there, nothing comes up. Shiver wrack through me and my body convulses, a need for morphine griping me. I needed that relief and fast.

Since my arrival in Coroscaunt today, I was briefed by the Jedi Council, poked and prodded by Medical Droids, and given a week off. And then it was back to war. Yay. Anakin was currently asleep beside me, for once looking peaceful. Slowly, I sit up, inspecting his features. The scar, his hair, he looked so serene it warmed my heart for a moment.

I don't deserve someone like him.

Leaning back on the headrest, I bring my knees to my chest, circling my arms around them. My eyes are on the city's skyline, but I'm seeing the visions from Dooku. Chills wrack through my body but I don't have the energy to grab the blanket. I don't have any more energy. My fingers trace the smooth skin on my thigh from where I had been shot, there was nothing there. The wound had closed as soon as I had received it.

A shiver wracks through my body as I lay back down. A few seconds later, warmth envelopes my body and I turn to see Anakin pulling the blanket atop me with his metal arm. He gives me a sleepy smile, opening his arms in an invitation. My heart skips a beat but as I'm scooting closer to him, images of the fake Anakin visions fill my mind, causing me to freeze.

"I'm sorry, I can't." I whisper, Anakin nods in understanding but I can still see the flash of hurt and concern as I twist my body into a more comfortable position. I don't know why I can't just suck it up and allow him to touch me, but something tells me that...

It doesn't even matter, a few minutes later, I'm asleep.

I dream of the Avengers winning the Battle of Sokovia, I dream of Wanda and the Vision, the team in the compound I never got to see completed. And when I awake the next morning, I feel even more empty than before.

...

I've been avoiding Caleb. Guilt eats away at me, but I don't think I can stand to see him. Anakin and the 507th (It was his idea for the rename) were sent out for a mission leaving me alone at the Jedi Temple.

As much as I miss him, the thought of taking a padawan is something I don't think I can do, hell, I can barely touch Anakin. I'm such a fucking looser, Natasha would have told me to suck it up. No, she wouldn't have, she would have just given me vodka. God it feels like I'm already forgetting them.

Picking the last of my pink nail polish off, I stand up from Anakin's workbench, leaving my room. It's now or never. Besides, Caleb will be better off with Depa. Right? I can't deal with this, I can't-

"Master Gallows?" Shocked, I turn to see Caleb standing in the hallway. Unlike everyone else, he's grown a bit. His brown hair is a little longer and he's grown at least an inch. His cyan eyes scan me from head to toe as we approach one another.

"Hello Caleb." I gave him a small smile, it was no or never, "Let's take a walk."

"Ok!" Caleb grins up at me and I feel my heart stop a bit, I can't do this, "When are we going to get back to training? Master Billaba is great and all, but she isn't you." Caleb whispers the last words, causing me to laugh a bit. It was nice seeing him again. Before I can say or do anything else, Caleb wraps his tiny arms around me. But it's only for a moment and when he's back at my side again, I almost think it never happened.