《stray together》

Wounded

In the middle of the night, a small voice mumbling caught Han's attention, waking him fully. He rolled over to see Lino huddled against the opposite wall, knees pulled against his body, hands over his ears.

"No! No, no I'm sorry master. I'm sorry. I'll be good. I'll be good, I promise. I'm sorry. I'm sorry master." Lino kept repeating, the desperate pleading so heavy that Han felt his heart sink hearing it.

Han scooted across the floor, until he was in front of the elder. He'd now come to witness a handful of Lino's nightmares, and the aftermaths of them. "Lino, you don't have a master, you're safe."

A whimper slipped from Lino, the vision of his previous abuser approaching him feeling too real. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Master, please, I'm sorry."

Carefully, Han wrapped him tightly in his arms, speaking softly in his ear as he caressed his head. "Lino, you killed him, he can't hurt you."

'Disobeyed, 'gon get punished.' Lino thought to himself, certain his apologies weren't satisfactory enough. His heartrate began increasing, and he hiccupped a few breaths in, almost choking on air from how erratic his body functioned as it fell into a panic attack.

"Tell me what you need in those moments. What will help you?'" Han asked, after Lino's first nightmare and subsequent panic attack during Han's overdose recovery was over.

Eyes burning from crying, tears drying on his cheeks, Lino softly replied. "I don't know. It helped that one night when you did deep pressure whatever."

Nodding, Han noted it in his head. "Okay, I can do that. What is the worst part of the panic attack for you? If... you are okay telling me?"

Was Lino okay telling Han?  It didn't take long for him to realize he was. Something about Han was warm, comforting, and safe. It was becoming easier to tell him some things. It wasn't like with Bin, either. There wasn't a looming regret after revealing something to Han. Instead, it was like he put his painful secrets safely in a sealed envelope, that nobody would open and read. "The voices.. the memories, they are so... loud and real... they either replay fully, or I guess my brain realizes and does the dissociation thing Bin told me about." Lino's voice cracked, almost like he was close to crying again.

"Dissociation?"  Han had never heard of it before.

Sucking in a large breath to steady himself, Lino closed his eyes. "You remember.. the day in the tunnels? How I was going to 'pass out'?"

Completely focused on the conversation,  Han nodded. "Yeah."

"It's not really 'passing out'. Bin said it's something that happens because of back then. That it happened back then. I get lost, like– I shut off, I zone out, I don't know anything going on around me, I don't remember anything..."  Lino explained, trying his best to recall what Changbin had told him as well as describe what he personally could of the episodes.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" 

Biting his lip, Lino really considered how to answer. "If you could... help me get out of it? I don't like not knowing what happens around me. It... scares me."

"How can I do that?" Not even a second thought or fragment of hesitation from Han.

Curling his fingers into fists, frustrated with himself, Lino whispered. "I don't know"

Placing his hands over Lino's to reassure him, Han smiled. "Then I'll try til I get it right."

It didn't take long for Han to discover that rocking Lino back and forth in a hug was more harm than good, as his panic worsened.
He had already learned that giving Lino the space to open up was best, not prying it out of him. It wasn't Han's approach anyway. But the fact that Lino knew he wasn't expected to explain anything, didn't feel obligated, and there wasn't a pressure to validate his actions, it made him more comfortable, and eventually, more inclined to want to tell Han.
Han realized that during the 'dissociation' episodes that Lino told him about, and that he now had seen multiple of, that the older really couldn't recognize the world around him. Deep pressure didn't bring him out of it, calling for him didn't work, but eventually, after doing his own research online, and finding out Lino needed to feel safe, or extremely threatened that the brain would bring him back to protect him, Han altered his approach. Trying his best to make Lino in the zoned out state realize he was safe.
Han also remembered Lino's nervous habit of pulling his knees to his chest, so he made sure the elder felt secure, not invading his personal space too much.