《stray together》

Seven Stages Of Grief

Sitting just beyond the kitchen unattended, Jisung gnawed on the TV remote, the small rubber buttons easing the ache and pain of teething. He was too distracted to pay much attention to the yelling that he was accustomed to, as it was a constant in the small house.

"I'm done, Ju. I never wanted this! I never wanted to marry you! I never wanted to have a kid!" Seonhwa yelled, throwing clothes into a suitcase in the bedroom. "Who would want to be with someone who fucks anything with two legs and is always high as a fucking kite?!" She slammed the luggage closed, storming out of the room and through the hallway, into the kitchen, gathering her purse.

"Then go, Seonhwa! Nobody gives a damn." Ju Yeon raised his voice back, throwing his arms up as he followed her into the kitchen. "Just make sure you take all your stuff the first time, so I don't have to see you again."

"Oh, I will." She seethed. Her eyes narrowed the moment the small toddler on the floor began wailing. "He is your problem. I don't want to remember you every time I look at his face."

Ju Yeon whipped his head aggressively looking between Jisung and Seonhwa. "I don't want him!"

"Then figure something out." Seonhwa said, lowering her voice in a suggestive tone, alluding to God knows what.

But, knowing the woman for long enough, Ju Yeon knew the context behind her words. "I'm not trying to get arrested for neglect."

"Good thing I never filed his birth certificate. To the government, he doesn't exist. I'm sure it's not above you to give him something where he falls asleep and never wakes up. Just think of it like you're putting down a dog." Seonhwa said easily, not an ounce of hesitancy or remorse.

Ju Yeon scoffed, "Wow, and you call me vile."

Ju Yeon stood over the crib, Jisung peacefully sleeping under his gaze. Gripping the railing, Ju Yeon sucked in a breath, hissing as tears pricked his eyes. "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing."  He admitted.

Jisung had choked on food earlier in the evening, going so far as turning blue. Despite his constant remarks, Ju Yeon was immediately concerned, rushing over and doing whatever he could think of to get Jisung's airways cleared. The moment the baby coughed the food out and took a big breath, Ju Yeon felt relief wash over him. The only time he was thankful to hear crying.

In the beginning, Ju Yeon wasn't half bad, though Han's consciousness wasn't developed yet to know. His father actually tried to take care of him, with the extreme lack of knowledge he had. On the better days, he bought the small toddler little stuffed animals, or interactive play mats.

But on bad days, when the desire for drugs outweighed the parental instincts, he would forget to feed the baby, or he'd look up what medications make someone tired, to not have to deal with watching a child. He would lift the tiny human by his arm, definitely dislocating his shoulder a few times. He bought a television to put in Jisung's room for the sole purpose of keeping him distracted. Cycling through a handful of children program VHS tapes.

"Jisung, Dad's gonna have a friend come over tonight. You need to stay in your room nice and quiet okay?" Ju Yeon gently said as he handed the young child his sippy cup of warm milk, mixed with a Xanax.

The toddler took the cup and nodded, immediately drinking the concoction, wide innocent eyes watching his father walk to the bedroom door.

"Make sure you drink all your milk, okay?" Ju Yeon gave a smile, speaking with a soft voice to the small boy.

Jisung stopped drinking, giving another big nod. "Mkay!" He smacked his lips, "Nuh-night dada." He put the cup back to his mouth and indulged in his beverage again. He loved his warm milk, as it always seemed to soothe him to sleep.