Destined | 18+

Part 31 - New York 2.0

Isla's POV

I know for sure now what it feels like to have your heart ripped out of your chest. My breakup with Roman was as painful as all the awful things that have happened to me combined. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I only cried and cried, my eyes raw.

Fuck. Me. Why do I have the worst fucking luck?! To fall in love with a guy who killed my parents?! Not only that, to know that he was also kind and loving and vulnerable and tender and caring was pure torture. I couldn't reconcile who he was with me with what he did.

I was suffering from not knowing what he meant when he said my dad had blood on his hands too. It sounded like he was just trying to justify his actions but what if he was right? What if my dad used the same tactics as him? Was my dad a killer as well? I couldn't believe that.

My dad was a soft spoken and kind gentleman. He had kind eyes and he loved to volunteer in our community. His company sponsored and supported kids' sports clubs, seniors' events, school fairs, and he always showed up to all my dance competitions and school performances.

I was certain that him and my mom were madly in love. Their disagreements were rare and I always saw him care for her, whether it was to bring her a glass of water while she was watching TV or make her coffee in the morning or plan a surprise trip for her and her girlfriends.

He only spoke kind words about her and when I got older, I often saw them swim in the pool together when my brother and I were supposed to be sleeping. They made time to be together, just them, chatting and laughing and I always thought that all families and couples were like that.

But there was one incident that made Roman's words feel real. One night I was returning from dance practice and my friend dropped me off like usual but I guess my parent's didn't hear me come in the house. I was taking off my shoes and heard my parent's strained voices coming from the kitchen.

I didn't catch or understand the conversation but I remember my mom trying to forcefully convince my dad of something, saying, you can't just bulldoze your way through people's lives like always. Figure out how to make this one exceptionally clean. It can never be traced back to Anders.

Her words forever stuck in my head because she abruptly stopped talking when she heard me come into the kitchen and immediately began speaking about something else. I had also never heard her use that tone before and at first, I thought it was someone else speaking.

I was wildly curious to know what they were discussing but she shut my questions down irrevocably.

Bulldozing through someone's life? Exceptionally clean? Trace back to Anders? If my dad was indeed involved in something nefarious, these words now blazed in my mind like a neon sign. I felt like dying from the storm inside my soul.

I actually considered how much easier dying would be. Nothing brought me any smidgeon of joy. Not the sunshine, not my familiar city, not my friends, nothing. No small or large thing could dampen the torturous pain I felt at every second.

My mind thought about Roman non stop, I couldn't turn it off. I remembered everything that happened between us and his image was always in my mind. I saw him in every person who walked by and I compared everyone to him. Everyone was awful. Everyone was just a nuisance. I only wanted to see and be near him.

I was very lost. I couldn't pull myself together to apply to jobs so I wandered the city mindlessly and would sit on random benches for hours, staring into nothing. He was gone. It was all over, forever. We would never be together. But as I thought that, I recognized hope in myself that I was somehow wrong. I wanted to be with him more than I wanted anything else in my life.