lily of the valley 🌷˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ .

2 🌼

Hyunjin's POV :

Should I text Felix? No, why should I? He's coming in.. ten minutes, I can talk to him then! God I'm so annoyed by him, not long ago at the table I was frustrated with myself but now that I think about it why was I annoyed with myself? Felix was the one hiding everything from me, why is he so selfish!? I get he's ill but I don't get why he won't tell me or our friends anything, he's acting like we'll bully him for having an illness... I hate it!

"Hyunjin come down stairs Mrs Lee, Mr lee and Felix are here now!"

"Okay I'm coming."

I don't care if my tone was cold, why should I be caring so much about Felix! Yes, he's sick but I don't want to be upset if Felix passes.. I know it sounds horrible but is that what Felix would want if he does leave me? Ah.. I'm living in 'that kind' of mindset again.

Something smells sweet..? Is mom really cooking for him!? God I bet Felix doesn't like all this fuss being made about him, it probably feels like something terrible is about to happen to you. Gosh I hate it the more my mind focuses on the topic!

"There you are sweetie!"

"Hello Mr Lee and Mrs Lee."

"Hello there Hyunjin..!"

I could see moms smile fixate at Felix as I took a seat next to her, everyone seemed quite optimistic except for Felix..

God, why does he look so down? I know mom said his condition got worse but he was too slim! Is that his collar bone? Gosh why is he so slim!? It's almost like his bones were struggling to stay inside his skin... Normally Felix was joyful and just a happy person ; he always looked well even when we knew he had this illness! But he looks different now, he looks weak and unhealthy. Mom never told me his condition was this bad?! How has he deteriorated so much in just a small amount of time??? It had only been a week since I saw him, why was he so different?!

"Mrs Hwang we are so grateful for this.. This job in the countryside is really going to help Felix! Gosh, me and my husband can't thank you enough!"

"It's no problem! Felix will be perfectly fine with us, won't he Hyunjin?"

"hm? Oh yeah of course!"

God was I that fixated on him? I'm not worried why am I so interested!?

Mrs Lee was trying to hide her tears ; it felt like she couldn't look me in my eyes. Felix raised his head slightly and let out a smile it felt like the smile somehow was painful for him to let out.. This wasn't going to be easy was it? Now that I'm actually seeing Felix in pain did make me upset but I can't show that upsetting feeling, he's just a hopeless sick boy right..? I've learnt that you can't pour your whole soul into helping someone like Felix it's too risky.. It sounds bad but I'm trying to say that it's not as bad as you think. I'm not that smart actually that's an understatement I'm stupid but I know my feelings very very very well.

"We'll get going.."

"M-mom..! Why..!?"

Such a mommy's boy... I've always known that, tch. Oh, his arm is really thin, doesn't that hurt? It looked like he used all his energy to reach his hand out to his mom, I don't know how to feel.

"Me and Dad have to get going now sweetie.. Mrs Hwang and Hyunjin will take great care of you! Hyunjin is your best friend so it's even better than a stranger.."

Okay, I've figured that I need to say something.

"She's right."

Gosh is that all I can say? 'She's right.' yeah that helps a ton Hyunjin! I bet it's hard seeing your kid like that, this is why people see me as hopeless ; isn't it?

What was that? Oh, mom just nudged me probably implying that I should comfort Felix.. I want to but I can't bring myself too, maybe when I become aware about this situation I will be able to comfort my best friend. I don't know what's going through my head, I'm never mean to Felix but I guess seeing him sick is playing around with my emotions... Yeah, that's the reason.

"Mom is right my son.. We'll come see you soon, okay? Keep being strong for Mom and Dad."

"D-dad..! ... This isn't f-fair! Isn't there a high pay j-job in Seoul..? M-mom please don't go.."

Mr and Mrs Lee just smiled at me, my mom and lastly Felix then the door shut, I don't blame them for doing this. It seriously must be the worst emotion to see your kid who's only like 16 to go through an ungodly amount of pain... This is why..- Actually I won't say it again, I should stop emphasising that I'm a horrible person ; it's gross.

"..M-mom! D-dad!.. No...No!"

He's crying a lot, what do I do? I'm scared to touch him, I don't want to hurt him. I'm scared. I wanna go somewhere else. Why? Why is it him?! Why is it him who's sick?! Why does he have to experience all this pain, huh? Felix can't cope with this pain I know it! I know the outcome to this situation and I hate it ; It makes me feel sick... I don't want to be the one to help him!! Please just make it stop I'm practically begging!

He's up now, he's trying to walk to the door but he looks weak.. I need to do something but I'm frozen...

"Felix it's okay I promise! Me and Hyunjin will make it better come here sweetie!"

Mom is a better person than me, I can't help people that's the sad thing. If Felix hurts himself I'm going to blame myself that's the deal I'm making with the devil, but maybe I don't have to make that deal anymore?

"Felix doing this isn't going to make your mom and dad walk through that door and you know it.. Just calm down please?"

His wrist feels so brittle..? God I bet I'm hurting him.. Maybe I should stop? No! I'm helping him maybe I'm lying to myself when I say that I can't 'care' for the sick hopeless people. Ugh, his face is so red from the tears. Why is he getting himself so worked up!? Wiping his tears away feels better than grabbing his wrist, his skin was still soft and healthy even though he was terribly ill! It's nice to know that his skin is always going to be strong during his sickness since Felix has always been protective over his smooth skin. I'm glad he can still feel proud about his skin even while being ill... It makes me smile.

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