lily of the valley 🌷˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ .

11 🌼

Hyunjin's POV :

I can clearly tell that mom is grateful for me taking to Felix but she doesn't want to make a big fuss.. Me and mom have had our 'ups' and 'downs' and even though I can recall the majority of our memories together being 'downs' ; the 'ups' are more important to me. Now that I'm blankly staring into my ceiling I'm starting to realise how boring and unproductive my days are when Felix isn't around, am I that boring as a human?? This day just feels so excruciatingly long, like the hours are forever dragging on! Maybe, I could finish that painting? Yeah! Why not? It wasn't completely finished and I honestly think it could need some smaller details what would completely pull it together. As I sat down I remember that I need to keep my room tidy as I complete this painting for my sake and my mom's sake.. While working on this project I've really token into account that life has no rules and that your life can be as wild and creative as you want it to be, you just have to put your mind to it. My mind has also focused on how to get things done more effectively and rapidly! Setting a goal to paint so much of a project is way better than forcing yourself to give up and be productive. This is a life saver for me since a lot of useless stuff seems to distract me very very quickly... One of the only 'reliable' traits about me is that once I'm invested in a project or just anything I can get it done efficiently and rapidly ; what is my goal!

"Sweetheart, are you hungry?"

Ah, it was mom.. I wonder if she has spoken to Felix's parents Mrs Lee and Mr Lee since the early afternoon? I should ask instead of keeping silent and letting my thoughts eat me alive..!

"Yeah sort of..! Have you spoken to Mrs Lee and Mr Lee..?"

Moms face seemed to drop immediately and a disappointing sigh left her mouth ; was something wrong? Mom's eerie presence followed her right next to me as she sat down staring at my painting of the broken face of Lee Felix. A soft not genuine smile took over her mouth ; I can almost feel her sparkling teary eyes pressuring me to feel an unreasonable wave of guilt in my heart..

"It's a beautiful painting sweetheart.."

"Thanks..! I'm thinking of gifting it to Felix when I finish, it's a surprise so don't say a word!"

That smile.. That smile needs to stop making me feel this wave of guilt..! I don't understand why my heart feels so heavy and.. guilty..?

"You're such a strong boy my Hyunjin.."

Silence filled the room. I can feel mom's young but old hand brush against mine, her reassuring words just poured more guilt on-top of my already heavy heart. I'm not great at genuinely being strong at all but I guess I was good at the acting part.. No one can see that pain in my eyes and I don't want them to... sometimes... The heaviness of my is heart starting to ache as I'm watching my mom suffer from someone else's incurable suffering and pain ; she really believes that somehow with some miracle Felix will be cured one day, but deep deep deep down she knows that even if Felix does get better he'll have to live with some sort of pain for the rest of his supposedly happy life.

"Take care of him tomorrow, yeah..?"

How is this dying 16 year old boy going to survive at school? He can't even eat a tea-spoon of his goddamn food, what makes this corrupt world think he can pick up a pen?!

"Yeah.. I will.."

"Thank you Hyune.."

I can feel my mom's soft lips touch my forehead as she lays a reassuring kiss onto my head, it made my heart feel just a little less heavy ; I'm grateful. Now it's time to get back to painting! I should've chosen a better reference to use since it's literally a picture of Felix crying but I can't turn back now, plus it's coming together unbelievably well.. Do I dare say this is my best painting yet..? I can already put together his reaction when he lays his deep almost-black eyes onto the painting, it makes me giggle inside of my head! His glistening eyes won't fail to catch my attention as they melt naturally onto the portrait of his-self. I feel like he would have a new reason to cherish his-self a little more than before, maybe he'll realise how important he actually is to lots of people on this earth ; I hope so.. My heart is completely immersing its-self into each brush stroke I carry onto the canvas, with every brush stroke my heart drops all of that guilt and heaviness away from my body.

🌷 Felix's dream : 🌷

I'm standing in a never-ending field of my most favorite flower : Lily of the Valley.

"...Am I dead..?"

Was my battle finally over..? I don't want it to be over just yet because I can beat it, I don't care how much more discomfort I have to face ; I just want to be 'home', all cozy in my bed with Hyunjin and Auntie next to me. I want to feel Hyunjin's warm hands on-top of mine at-least one more time! These flowers are meant to be poisonous, doesn't that mean that I'm not dead but I'm about to die..? Maybe the angels are giving me a second chance to try escape from this torturous hell ; I begin to doubt that unrealistic theory or expectation of mine..

"Hyunjin~? A..Are you.. there..?"

The sunlight picked its prey right onto my sickly pale face ; it feels like an attack. There's no hope for me here, is there? Tears of pit-full sorrow run down my face, the tears almost look like tears of gold because of that haze of sun staring at my face. The sun is supposed to be a sign of hope but right now it just felt too satanic for me to believe that I was okay. My knees start to weaken and I collapse to the floor on my hands and knees, sobbing uncontrollably. Violent screams leave my mouth as that diabolical sun just tears me apart ; leaving all my hope gone. Something tells my trembling heart to tell my brain to open my swollen eyes, so I listen to my burning heart. As I open my eyes the faint figure of someone I know very well blocks my view from the ball of fire in the sky. That smile, that smile is doing something to me..

"Your smile does something to me.."

"H-Hyunjin..! H..Hyun-!..."

Hyunjin tilts his seemingly innocent head side ways, a small beam of sunshine peaked through the gap between him and the view. The sweet smell of pollen hit me in the face, I don't understand why I'm here anymore..?

"Does your heart ache for me?"

He moved his angelic innocent face closer to mine ; he's itching for an answer from me.

"I..I.. I wanna go home..!"

"You're not dead."

Everything went dark as my calls for Hwang Hyunjin grew more and more muffled the more I cried for his company.

🌷🌼🌼