lily of the valley 🌷˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ .

20 🌼

Hyunjin's POV :

I sit perched up against Felix's bedroom door ; it's been two days since you've passed away and I hate it already. As I observe his now eerily empty bedroom more tears form in my eyes.. I focus my attention outside of the window where he used to stare out of to admire the stars but there's no figure there, it's just an imaginary presence. My eyes melt onto the almost non-existent stars struggling to shine in the deep sky, as I stare for longer and longer my eyes can't help themselves anymore and tears flow down my face uncontrollably. The second my hand came in contact with his worryingly frozen hand my world seemed to continue slower than usual, your restful face haunts me.

"...P-please come back.. I..I.. miss you..."

In between my painful sobs I manage to let a sentence out.. I open my irritated eyes to see one star which stood out to me, among all the dim dying stars one shone brighter than any other. You're listening to me..

"..Why was.. it...you...?.."

Clusters of tears dropped down my face as my gaze grows deeper into the stars. Two days without you yet those endless two days have felt so unbearable for my delicate heart. The shell of Felix seems to linger around the halls of my house, he tries to comfort me but it just brings me more sorrow. I want to go back to the day where you first told me your name, desperately. You're name is Felix Yongbok Lee and you will forever be sixteen years old, when I first saw the cluster of freckles laying upon his cheeks he just felt so special to me. Now I have to live with the burning question wondering in my mind, did you know how much I craved you? Felix's love language spoke to me in the best ways possible, his soft hands grazing mine whenever I was full of nerves, his smile that just did something to me and most importantly ; his never-ending love. The day you shoved those matching couple rings into my hands I made a promise that I would never take them rings off, I have stuck to my promise and I hope that you are proud of me. That fateful day was five years ago yet that couple ring are still sat stuck on my ring finger, I look down at my finger which is carrying the beautiful ring and begin to think of Felix. His memorable voice echoes through my mind which is full to the brim with grief and pain, his bright laugh along with that smile also prints itself into my brain. I never want to forget Felix Yongbok Lee, the boy who kept me alive while he was fighting for his own life.

"..I l..love y..you.."

I place both of my hands over my mouth trying to block out my screams for Felix. All of my tears full with grief run down onto my hands ; when will this pain end? A clear image of Felix's face appears in my mind, he's full of visuals. Those wide deep eyes he owns never fail to impress me, those constellations peacefully resting on his face I just can't explain how beautiful they are..

"..I.. saw.. J..Jisung today.. H..his dance.. was.. g..great.."

I can barely speak due to all these uncontrollable tears choking me, but I manage to tell Felix about Jisung's dance performance that he wanted to hear about desperately. I never realised how outstanding Jisung was at dancing until earlier that day, he's practically a professional. Jisung actually wrote a rap for Felix to preform in his dance, a dance and rap performance ; the type Felix adored. I could see the pain in his eyes when he was on stage dancing to Felix's favourite song 'Only' by LeeHi. Jisung preformed his own rap after dancing and even singing to 'Only'. Everyone in the crowd knew that this was dedicated to Felix who had lost his life, they were overly supportive by putting all their phone torches on, a white ocean for Felix Yongbok Lee. Jisung broke down during his performance multiple times but still managed to sing, dance and rap 'effortlessly'. At the end of Jisung's performance he made a heartbreaking speech ; as soon as I heard his speech I broke down.

'You was the most supportive person the world was given, you showed up to every single one of my performances knowing that seeing me complete the dream you thought you would never be able to complete would hurt you more. You were my ray of sunshine you just never failed to give me life and now that you aren't here I find myself feeling guilty for your death. I'm so glad that you had someone so perfect and loving to comfort you during your worst moments ; Hwang Hyunjin. I want to thank my bestfriend Hyunjin a lot for being by Felix's side every second of every day, that is truly what Felix wanted. He didn't want to be alone during this painful process so Hyunjin was patient with him and stayed with him.'

'In another life we will be together, forever.'

Everyone applauded Jisung's message as Jisung stood on the stage and bowed while tears flowed down his chubby cheeks. I found myself sobbing with Jisung ; he just didn't know it. A young girl from the grade below me wrapped her arms around me without hesitation.

'He's safe now..'

I continued to sob my heart out as she rubbed my back. I was confused on why someone would be so kind hearted and comfort someone she didn't even truly know..? As soon as her warm arms wrapped around me Felix instantly appeared in my mind, she reminded me of Felix from her angelic actions ; it was an action I would imagine Felix doing. Jisung walked off the stage yet I was still sobbing, Jisung's show had ended yet she still stayed by my side. 'Auntie' picked me up after that, I was silent throughout the whole drive home.

"..A..are you.. p..proud of.. of.. Jisung..?.."

My body began to shake due to my aggressive sobbing, I began to feel ill due to how much his death haunted me.

I miss you every day but today feels like everything I do is just here to remind me I am living without you. In that moment I really craved one of your hugs, your hugs protect me effortlessly. Feeling this way has made me realise that today is just one of those days where I miss you terribly and I want to talk to you desperately, but I'll never be able to handle your absence so instead I look for you in every sunrise I find myself indulging in. I am only a child just like you yet the stars desperately wanted to call you 'theirs' they couldn't wait and that's what hurts me even worse.

Whenever I hear the name Felix Yongbok Lee I will make sure that your freckled face never leaves my mind.

In another life, we will be the same me and you but one thing will be different, you won't leave and I won't leave.

🌷🌷🌷