ComPlex by JamesNN

1:06:40-59

1:06:40 It smelled heavily of malt and hops in uncles home town, which was fuelled mainly by fish and the integration of a bulky Pickup. Some alarm went off in the distance, and I woke up with a strong urge to push the envelope that the Presenter had given me under the threshold of room 308. I heard the Commander say that the trick is not to strain and contract when having lust, but relax and open up instead of using lust-graphics to squeeze out peak-orgasms that take the energy away from the relationship and your love. The higher levels of oxytocin can last in the system for days, he argued. Combined with other hormones this may move the offended towards a greater sense of fusion and vulnerability with the offender he have just had a lustful experience with.

1:06:41 I was suddenly convinced that the envelope contained a confession, an excuse for having been a difficult child, one who believed that the incompleteness of Torus was just a temporary matter, as our own, that there existed a program to make the city, the roads and the love perfect. What name one gives this ultimate truth is irrelevant, I thought. It is everyone's final goal, also mothers. I was in no doubt about where she was, but I wanted to make my last seconds on TV a little more memorable, and asked to be allowed to examine the corridor closer; do something for the troubled souls of the mental patients who have resided here, and try to get out of this with some kind of dignity.

1:06:42 I remember the pain I felt when I finally realized that there is no comprehensive plan, or even wish, to finish anything permanently. While putting up something new, there is always someone busy tearing things down. As soon as one hole in the ground is filled, another is opened a few container-blocks away. As I grew older, I began to worry about the children. How are they supposed to handle a world their parents have given up on, and not even try to make whole? "Unfinished" is the status quo of our existence. Nothing is ever finished or completed for good. Life is nothing but a journey, as is society, and Torus itself.

1:06:43 Ok, so what? you sighed. Everyone can influence society and their own course of life. I'm not so sure, I answered. In what way could I influence my relationship with other women after the trial? What about the painful years I knew you served, locked up and detained, year after year, for the sake of your lustful actions together with me? The harsh sentences taught me to fear women, fear anything that might hurt people, and particularly those moves that could take you away from me again. Still, I know that in order to grow as a man I must strive to become comfortable and safe, also in lustful activities with others than you. To be able to do that, and enjoy it, my dearest, we must at least do it together. I need to feel and know that you are there with me, and that it is good, safe and deliberate on your part too.

1:06:44 There was a pause. You looked at the keyboard, waiting for my dictation. I cleansed my throat and described with an initial cough how uncle and I slowly strolled past three homeless men. He was still on the hand-technopist, deep into anchors and awareness. Reminders, he explained, can somewhat simplified be said to have the same function as dynamic breaks. The men, clearly with questionable self-care skills and burned out cigarette butts, were all humming on the last notes from the swan lakes forth act. The purpose of a dynamic break is, as you know, to ensure that the negative or static energy released during the work doesn't get stuck close to the surface, which very well can happen if we open up, but don't dare to stand in the restless anxiety that may arise.

1:06:45 I could easily see a future reflection of Stepfather, your father, the Prince, and Uncle in these old bearded men sitting on the bank by the pond, touching their religious past with tender, nicotine stained fingers. Is it really just our own private matter if we deceive and disappoint? the elder asked. How can anything be private, when God dangles from the sky like a bait on a fishing line; extracting hope from the placenta of our time? No action comes from nowhere, said he who seemed to be the youngest. No action goes to nothing either. We take the ring and let it wander, having to figure out the rest on our own. May everyone experience this ultimate truth, said the guy in the middle. May all people be free from their negative emotions, from impurities, from suffering. May everyone enjoy real happiness, real peace, real harmony. May everything that lives be happy.