ComPlex by JamesNN

1:07:00-19

1:07:00 When I started school, and the other children discovered that I lived in a supermarket with an adjoining toilet and a Pellé á Niege, we could easily have been exposed. Luckily mom managed to seduce the security guard with her new snow shovel. He would do anything to shovel the banks with that cool tool, and that's basically how I got a stepfather. Eventually he brought us to his house, and I changed schools. Years later mother told me that he used to pull his balls down with a firm grip when he was close to the edge, but he missed often enough in the beginning to give me a little sister.

1:07:01 Do you live here? he asked mother in disbelief when he lit into our pyramid of canned peas and saw our terrified eyes. No, mother lied in a halo from his flashlight, I have a container room in Freezonia City. This is just the can-cabin of a friend of mine. She is on a date, pushed into a snowy landscape that is both unsafe and scary, but very exciting. Probably pretty similar to what you lured me into with pizza and beer, and fondling about in bed, I commented. Those kinds of experiences Vanessa had not experienced in her own youth, and possibly thereof prohibited by law when she came to power.

1:07:02 Before and after sharing you with other men; lustier, freer and more playful with them than with me, I was "rewarded" for my unease and anxiety by having lots and lots of energy- and hormone-releasing ejaculation-based lust with you. On the other hand, even the idea of having lust with another woman turned me off, and produced tons of angst. My system totally believed that you would turn away from me emotionally, that your love for me would die, as it almost did those dreadful times I was unfaithful to you. No experience of lust, however spectacular, can compensate for such a loss.

1:07:03 I've always wanted you, my beloved, already while struggling at school. I wanted to lust you from behind in the wheelchair in front of the catheter, and thus get closer to the knowledge about the prostate gland and the PC muscle, while at the same time admire how the sinews play under the skin on your back, but you were too young of course. You looked up from the keyboard, with tears in your alien face. I know what you are heading at, you said and displayed a new dream-like incision in the pupils. How very well trained my upper body was at that time, and how lusty I always felt! Despite the fact that I was paralyzed I wanted to be a ballet dancer, as your mother. Instead, I became a common abuser in Vanessa's new penal regime for lusty girls.

1:07:04 The roles are given, I sighed. To break that old pattern I had to stop loving you to get something back, and just love to give. Not love to keep you here with me, but love to share you with others. I had to learn to relax and receive, without feeling that I had to give something back, and learn how to give you pleasure and joy without asking anything from the roles you have to take; the roles that disappointed adults at all times, in all cultures, has forced upon young girls in the forms of shame, guilt and punishment. Oh, yes, your back then was like a map of the naïve, shameless arousals natural topography, a landscape of unbridled change, I said with a tiny groan.

1:07:05 You showed me your insect body, towering like a praying mantis over the typewriter. Almost, but not quite Kepri, I thought while leaving the café with uncle, tapping his feet energetically over the cobblestones. I must definitely dare to be more feminine, I concluded. So, the important thing is to let what happens happen, without being taken over by it or trying to escape from it. The main street was ready for a new layer of asphalt, and we were about to buy a wreath and some fishing gear for the money I earned by selling those nude pictures that you and your girlfriends sent me. And the ones I sneaked over the edge to take off you in the shower that same day that the accident tore us apart, thus creating the basis for our reunion. Across an eternity without time, uncle hummed. You can certainly do well to develop more masculinity, I said. Be more active in your lust-life, greedy and not so modest.

1:07:06 The weather was warmer, and the dancers threw away their energy bars when I was examined by the teacher. I knew nothing, and was ashamed, but discovered early a kind of internal source which allowed me to feel into the conceptual in a situation, and then, based on the curriculum's topic, improvise from a place I called the dream world. I had no clue at the time that I in fact spoke from the fifth dimension. All things are equal, still we are different, uncle chanted. It is the energy flow I am concerned about, and when the class started laughing, with help from the teacher, I laughed happily with them. That made the others laugh even louder. The classroom soon boiled of dizzy bleached hair and black hoodies. Through all these years I firmly believed it was better that they laughed than stated to hit me.