ComPlex by JamesNN

1:10:00-19

1:10:00 He always do this kind of thing, uncle whispered, bringing me out of my reading. But he is a skilled technician, and has a heart of gold. I just have this bothersome erection, he use to say to the woman, perceiving himself as a charmer you know. Often he lies on the benches here, with his bird out of the nest, scouting. Much like you did during the de-armouring exercises, you added while rebooting your typewriter. You were a little uneasy when Susanne had her pussy and ass opened by one of the course's cool guys, were you not? I couldn't deny it. Even when I had my hand and fingers deep inside two other women during the drill work, squeezing their uterine openings, and pinching the vagina and vaginal walls to release tension, I constantly looked over at you, to see what you were doing.

1:10:01 Uncle pointed out of the porthole, over the mechanics lightly swaying, dishevelled, oil stained mane. On those plateaus out there your stepfather, the prince and I used to go skiing with father, the Commander, to cabins and huts to give healing and help. That was a good way to dissolve ego, and anxiety. After days alone on the tundra you forget who you are. But the ego doesn't die. It's like a snake, expert at hiding, and it always avoids the truth. The ego is based on uncertainty. It has a lot to tell, a lot of drama and "important" matters it must take care of so that you don't have to get in contact with difficult feelings like loneliness, meaninglessness and death.

1:10:02 You and the kids waved at us from the quay, and I could feel your emotions, your nervousness and uncertainty long before the ferry even docked. Ever since I woke up this morning I have been in contact with your anxiety regarding my unstable mood. When I saw you there a sudden feeling of sadness hit me, realizing that I'm the superfluous one, except for those periods when you had to endure your sentence. I also felt envy and loss by seeing that you are with the children, not me. It is you who have trust, confidence, balance, humour, joy, laughter; all this which I am so longing for. I have only resistance inside, a deep fear of being rejected, and jealousy which prevents me from surrendering affectionately to you.

1:10:03 Shh, you said and came over to me with a little oil. Instead of talking I want you to rub this on the penis. Remember to massage and stimulate the entire member, scrotum and perineum, and enjoy yourself. I closed my eyes, listened to your soothing voice and tried to shut down my mind, only to be taken to the course's third day, re-experiencing your redemption. We made a deal then, you and I, that I will do something about my eating habits and my body, and you will actively start planning a gang-lusting session for yourself.

1:10:04 Try to notice the increased arousal, you continued. Notice the tickling at the penile root, notice how the erection goes through several stages, and notice your heart rhythm. When you approach ejaculation, you stop and rests. Try also to notice the contraction of the PC muscle and anus, but don't be surprised if it takes a little time to get to know this without cumming. You should also try to squeeze your PC muscle around the prostate if the prostate begins to contract, and you are afraid of tipping over the edge. Once you have regained the control, you can start over again as many times you want, and go on for as long as you want.

1:10:05 I knew that all I needed to do was to take your hand, hug you and breathe out in your neck, but I couldn't. I simply didn't dare to risk touching the thin membrane between me, and a seemingly bottomless void of pain. I have broken down before, and ended up in a darkness I can't bear the thought of visiting again. I have shown my littleness to you, and felt how I dropped in your esteem. You simply despise weak men. If I break down on the quay and start crying, I'm afraid you no longer will respect me, or believe that you can ever be able to submit to my will, to my yet undiscovered strength and presence - which I know you yearn for.

1:10:06 The Presenter brought the attention, and my anxiety of losing you, back to the landfill. She passed the gate and greeted the watchman inside the hut, but needed only to raise her shoulders to signal that she knew nothing more about my condition after I was driven away, ill-treated, hairless and with burned out eyes; speeding towards the transition phase, one of many wormholes in this book. Is your self-gratification break over now? you called from the kitchen, and returned to your desk with a steaming cup of tea.