TILL INFINITIES END

12. AARUSHI

The sun set in a beautiful way as we talked through the road, forming shades of orange and yellow. i finally convinced him to come with me for a walk in the evening. A tension was present in the air, signaling that it was high time to address the issues.

"Varun," I began, my voice carrying frustration and concern, "we really need to talk about us."

Varun let out a sigh, "Aarushi, stop overthinking. We're just going through a busy phase. With Tia and Vyom needing our attention, it's natural that things are getting a bit hectic."

I couldn't suppress my frustration. "Varun, this is more than just a busy phase. We've let our relationship slide, can't you feel it. I don't want us to become two strangers living under the same roof."

Varun looked at me, "Aarushi, we have responsibilities. The kids demand so much of our time, and we can't just neglect them. Tia and vyom still need our attention, they're growing up."

"Yes, they need us, but they also need to witness a good connection between their parents," I argued. "When was the last time we had a date night or even a simple conversation that didn't revolve around the kids or household mess? Even if we try to talk something different, we find ourselves fighting over some or the other thing a few minutes later."

Varun's frustration showed up in his voice, "Aarushi, it's not that simple. We both work, and by the time we get home, we're exhausted. Weekends are filled with tia and vyom's activities. When are we supposed to find the time for ourselves? and more importantly, why do we need that individual time?"

"Varun, what do you mean by WHY? that's exactly the problem. We never find the time; we need to make the time. Our marriage is worth the effort, isn't it?"

He sighs again "what do you want me to do? Quit my job and make morning breakfasts? Take you out on romantic dates? Or surprise you with flowers and gifts at doorstep every evening I come home from work?"

The anger rages inside me now "really? This is what you've inferred from everything I said? Seriously?" I say and rest my arms on my chest.

He sighed, growing increasingly impatient. "Aarushi, life isn't a fairytale that we can go out any evening we want, or take a day off just to stay with each other. We have responsibilities, bills to pay, a house to run. We can't just drop everything for a romantic evening whenever we feel like it."

I felt a knot tightening in my stomach. "I'm not telling you to give up every evening of yours, nor am I asking for grand gestures, Varun. I just want us to reconnect, to remember why we fell in love in the first place. look at us, fights, arguments and blames- that's what it is revolving around. Yes, kids need us, they're our priority but how are we living as a couple? We've let the essence of 'us' slip away."

Varun's expression hardened. "Aarushi, things change, that's life. We've changed. Maybe it's time we accept that and focus on what's important – Tia, Vyom and their careers."

'So this, the relation between us, that's not important?' I ask, with a cracking throat.

He sighs "Aarushi, look, we've spent our entire lives loving each other. We've loved each other since our teenage to this day. But now there's no wonder if we shift our focus to two young minds at our home."

"Varun I know. But as you said, we've spent a FREAKING WHOLE LIFE loving each other, then why are we here now? Just because things are bad? Just because a little bit of a trouble came in between?"

He stays silent, more like tired of this.

"Varun, do you know what Tia asked me today?" I say and he looks at me.

"She asked me that even after having such a good love story, why do we not go on dates and dinners? and for a second, I had no answer. I really want to sort this Varun, not give up!"

"Tia is a child, a teenager. Of course she's fascinated by dinner dates and stuff because she's at an age where they get influenced by these things. for her the air is pink and the sky is purple! She is bound to thinking all this and romanticizing life! But you, you're a grown up Aarushi! Haven't we gone on enough dates during college times? But now, things are different. Our priority is kids!" he says.

His words stung, and I could feel my frustration evolving into something deeper. "Varun, our marriage is important too. The kids will suffer more if they grow up in a home where their parents are distant, where love is an afterthought. Can't you give even one day or one evening to make this work?"

He looked away, avoiding my gaze. " You are behaving like a schoolgirl, Aarushi. I just don't see how we can fix this. We've drifted too far apart."

My heart sank, and the weight of his words pressed down on me. "Varun, we can fix this if we both try. But I need you to want this too. I need you to put in the effort."

He sighed with a sense of resignation in his eyes. "Aarushi, Maybe it's time to accept that some things can't be fixed. Just let them be as they are."

Tears welled up in my eyes, and the frustration turned into a deep sadness. "Varun, I don't want to give up on us. I want to fight for our marriage, for our family. Can't you see that?"

He remained silent, and the setting sun cast a somber glow over our conversation. The realization hit me that our once vibrant connection was slipping away, and the only thing I wanted was for Varun to feel the same urgency to save it.

As we continued our walk, the shadows lengthened, and the air grew cooler. The walk home felt heavier, each step echoing the growing distance between us. I wanted to make it work, but the lack of effort from Varun's end left me feeling not just frustrated but disappointed and broken. The familiar path now seemed like a journey into the unknown, and the uncertainty of our future hung heavily over us. With a sigh, I rang the bell.

Vyom opened the door' 'papa!'

We passed a huge smile as we entered, and tried to stay as casual as we can. 

Tia was arranging the plates on the table, 'Should I get the food?' 

'yes.' I say, ignoring the heaviness in my head. the past one hour felt so much unreal. it felt like, all of my world came crashing down in a second, like all the years of our marriage dumped down in a well of vain. as i sat across the table, swallowing a gulp of water down the throat, for i was restless to know what did we do to deserve this kind of an end...