TILL INFINITIES END

7. AARUSHI

I folded the dried clothes and kept them on the bed, the same bed, where Varun was sitting, on the other half, with his legs straight and ankles crossed, anxiously doing something on this laptop. He had not spoken a word since our conversation in the kitchen. I wanted him to say something. 

'Sam is a sweet guy, no?' I asked, initiating a conversation.

'Hmm..' he replied still looking at his laptop.

'Should we invite his parents and him again for dinner next week? it'll be fun.' I said

'hmm..' that's all he said. clearly, he had no mood to listen, all he wanted was to be glued on his laptop's screen.

'Varun, I said something.' I said.

'Hmm.. yeah? Who's inviting whom?' he cluelessly looked up from the laptop.

'You never pay attention, do you?' I said.

'I was working, Aarushi. What's so big deal? Just repeat.' he shrugged.

'It's not about repeating, Varun. It's about prioritizing. You choose to stick to this stupid laptop rather than listening to what i am saying!' I shouted.

'Aarushi why do you have to make it a big deal always? I was reading this thing on laptop, so I wasn't paying attention.' He replied back.

'I was saying something. Don't you think you should listen?' I argued.

'Oh man, you are so annoying!' he said in an irritated tone 'Fine. I am sorry as always. Please. Repeat.' He said sternly.

'See this- right here- is the problem. You think that giving some attention to your family while doing work is some freaking act of greatness! You think you are doing us a favor?' I argued.

'Aarushi-' he wanted to say somethin but then he just paused '- you know what? let it be, I don't even want to argue, okay? Just....just say it or leave it.' He said and looked at his laptop again.

That broke me into pieces.

Our time, the time which he specially used to allot to me, us, had turned into his own laptop time. He sometimes used to work, sometimes used to watch a movie, and many a times hang out with his friends. And he didn't even have any guilt that in between this rush-and-run, we were fading away. He was simply normal. 

I know, when I started the narration at the very first, you wouldn't have thought our relationship would be in such a condition. And I wouldn't blame you. Because, we have to pretend to be fine, be happy, so that it won't affect Vyom and Tia. I don't want that negativity to get transferred to them. Because I know the level of effect these regular parental fights have on children. I don't know how but there's a sense of tension between our relationship since a past few months. Like it feels as if we have grown distance between each other.

Despite everything, Varun and I try to keep the house atmosphere as happy as possible. We go to long walks and sort things at times. Sometimes, we come back, unsorted. But now it is going above head and neither of us want to talk. Because there is nothing to talk about. Once, twice, thrice...we say sorry, or we forgive, but then, it simply goes straight above the head and we get so low that it feels better to end.

We fought severely for the first time, when Tia was around 10 years old. Varun had come back tired and frustrated from his office, and we had an argument, which exploded and turned into a fight. Tia heard everything, and some days later her school principal called me to her office urgently asking me if the house had a lot of internal issues going on. I shook my head, not knowing why she asked. She told me that she had noticed Tia crying during the school recess in the classroom, and she had mentioned about some fight between Varun and me to her best friend Myra. It shook me to my core about how much the family issues affect the children even if children themselves aren't a part of it. Since then, I avoid fighting with him in presence of kids. this was the bare minimum i could do for my kids.

I saw a call coming from a patient. it was Mrs. Mehta.

"hello?" I receive it

'Dr. Aarushi?' she asked

'yes?'

'hello, it's Gunjan this side, Gunjan Mehta. Can you talk right now?' she asks.

"yes, sure." I say as I go out of the room into the hall.

"yes thank you. I am feeling a little pain in my belly right now. is it something serious? pre mature delivery?" she asked. 

"Mrs. Mehta, we haven't suspected any premature delivery, because your uterus and the foetus both are very healthy and growing at good pace. what you're feeling might be false contractions. nothing to worry about. and anyway i think we have an appointment after two days. I'll check everything." I assured her.

"Oh, and can I take any pain killer?" she asks

"Better not. because it is unnecessary for the body. but if the pain increases, you can call me or my assistant doctor Prachi anytime." i said

"Okay, thank you doctor Aarushi!" she says.

"Bye, take care." I say and hang up.

"Dr. Aarushi?" I heard Tia's voice as i turned back.

"Yes, miss?" I smile and say.

'Who was it on call?' she asked.

'Oh, one of my patients.' I said and smiled.

'It's already quite late, why did they call you so late?' she fired her second question.

'Tia,' I held her hand 'the profession your mother is in, sees nothing. Not even time. We have to attend them even at mid night. And if you also want to become a doctor, there comes a lot of personal sacrifices too."

She smiled and said 'Yes. I understand."

"By the way, I came here to ask you something." she said.

"Mhmm," I said.

"can you pack Daal Makhni and naan tomorrow in tiffin? Sam really enjoyed it. so I thought if there's any leftover, I'll carry it to school for him." she said

"oh sure, there's a lot. I'll pack it." I said and smiled.

'okay, good night' she said and walked towards her room. She took a few steps, paused, turned back and said 'mom, Sam really liked the food. he said thank you.'

I smiled at her, and went to the room. Varun was asleep, so I just stood there and looked at him. the emptiness was so prominent that I could sense it. I really wish we weren't in this state right now.

I sigh, and cover myself with blanket to get some warmth.