TILL INFINITIES END

46. AARUSHI

I looked at her from a distance. Give her strength, god...give her strength. I was constantly praying, with a thousand thoughts hitting my mind.

Letting someone go, is even more painful than death sometimes. Accepting the reality and putting yourself in that pain just so that the other person's life remains unaffected is not easy. You need a heart to do that- a fully golden heart. As I saw her breaking down a little more with Sam's each step towards the airport, memories from my own teenage started to resurface. Varun's cancer, my mom's decision to go to Delhi, reading that letter in train...Ahh! I release a heavy breath.

My eyes water as I feel a familiar ache in my heart. This is something which I would never even wish my enemies to go through, and here was I, seeing my own blood, my own daughter go through. Every time a child's heart bleeds, it's not the only one bleeding, it's also the mother's heart which bleeds, with double the pain to see god putting their child through so much at such young age.

I silently watched her, she feebly raised her hand in the air and waved it back to him, strongly facing the emotions within. My stomach twitched into knots just by seeing the amount of strength it was taking this 16-year-old girl, and the way she was facing it, fiercely at this tender age.

Elders usually think that children never experience the amount of pain they have, that the children are too naïve to say that the world has shown them a little sneak peek of how cruel it is, how unfair life could be at times, but the reality is that the children have seen a little bit of everything, they have also been through pain, they have also spent sleepless nights with silent tears, they have also faked like everything is fine when it was not. One doesn't need to grow older to gain lessons, for it doesn't come with age, it comes with destiny and pain.

All that moment made me realize was, that my daughter is a fighter. I wonder how she was handling it. Today was the first time she cried in front of me, how many nights she would have cried alone with a broken heart, swollen eyes, hurting throat and paining stomach, yet, managed to look fine and normal in the morning. This leaves me utter shock that how did she keep it from us all this while? When did my little baby get so strong to be able to hide this level of pain from us? My entire motherhood felt like crashing, I felt like life had given me a tight slap, that you're an amazing gynecologist, but not an equally good mother Aarushi, your child could not even communicate with you all this while.

I crossed my arms on my chest, fighting with my inner voice and tears, and looked at Tia. She was looking at her feet, not in any condition to make an eye contact with anyone. I wanted to apologize to her, she didn't deserve a mother who couldn't even be good enough for her daughter to be considered for a talk. I closed my eyes and heaved out an exaggerated sigh, as I felt my eyes water. I chose to stay strong as I walked towards her.

'Tia?' I called her, as I gently stood beside her.

She didn't react at all. Her gaze towards her shoes remained constant.

'Tia, do you want to head home?' I asked her softly. She didn't react for a few seconds.

"Tia...?' I rubbed her back, considering it might make her feel better.

She lightly cleared her throat and said 'yes mumma, I think we should.' Her voice had all cracked up. I kissed her head and said 'I love you.'

Oh god, please don't put her through this.

This time she looked up at me. It was readable that she was in no condition to say anything. There were questions in her mind, which kept her busy from reacting to anything happening around her. She turned her gaze towards her shoes again and whispered 'I love you too.'