TILL INFINITIES END

32. TIA

I was sitting on Myra's bed, rolling the edge of my scarf when I finally blurted out everything. About Sam leaving, about my feelings for him since past 2 years. About him and his parents shifting to Ahmedabad forever.

Yes, I know, I should've been at home like a good girl greeting Sam and his parents but I just couldn't find the courage. So I came to meet myra. (Feel free to call me a coward.)

Myra's eyes went wide at first, and for a second, I thought she might yell or at least say something like "Why didn't you tell me sooner?!! You kept it from me since so long!!"

But she didn't.

She just sat there, processing it all. "I mean, i always knew that you liked him, and that's so much visible in your eyes and body language. But he's leaving... and that too so sudden?" she finally asked, sounding as shocked as I felt when Sam broke the news.

I nodded, biting my lip, "He didn't tell me until 2 days back. We were together all this time, in school, at home and he never even mentioned it. And now he's leaving. Just like that."

"You asked him why he didn't tell you earlier?" She asked. 

"He says he didn't want to spoil the time we had by already announcing that he's leaving. He wanted me to enjoy the time we had- freely. He thought i would be upset if he said it." i said, nervously shaking my leg again.

She took a deep breath, rubbing her hands together, "Tia, I get it... but, you know, it's not really his fault. He's not doing this on purpose."

"I know, but still," I whispered, my voice barely coming out, "It hurt me so much, and even I know this isn't his fault." 

"Did you talk to him?" She asked.

"I don't know how will I even face him. It just breaks me. I've been ignoring him and all his texts and voice notes... I just can't. Today they were coming to home so I dropped by here instead." I say.

Myra sighed and came closer, sitting right next to me. "You can't punish him for this, Tia. He doesn't even know about your feelings. How can you expect him to behave in a way that you want, when he's completely unaware of what's going on in your heart? He probably thought he was protecting you by not telling you right away."

I stared at her, trying to hold back my tears. "But it hurts... It hurts so much, Myra."

"I know, Tia, I know." She put her hand on mine, squeezing it softly. "But you have to understand, he didn't hide this from you to hurt you. He was probably trying to protect you from the pain, thinking he was giving you two more time to just spend together."

"I don't care!" I snapped, my emotions spilling over. "He kept it from me for so long. He should have told me earlier, shouldn't he?"

Myra nodded slowly, then leaned in closer. "Yes, you're right. He should have. But think about why he didn't. He just didn't want to hurt you, and that means something, doesn't it? He cares for you, Tia. And now, do you want to spend the rest of the time you have with him being upset, or do you want to be there for him, show up when there's such a major shift happening in his life?"

I couldn't hold it in anymore. The tears came rushing down, blurring my eyes. 

"But Myra... I love him! I love him so much! How am I supposed to just let him go like this?" I cried bitterly. She held me through my arms and offered my a shoulder.

She pulled me into a hug, her voice soft and steady, "I know, Tia. I know it's hard, but you don't have a choice. If he's leaving, then...let him go... at least say goodbye with a smile. Don't curse destiny. Cherish the moments you still have with him."

Her words sank in slowly, but they hit me deep. She was right. I didn't want to admit it, but she was.

"First I think you should go and meet him,  and talk to him. Allow him to say." she said.

"I don't think I can meet him, and I won't meet him." I said.

"Don't be so stubborn, Tia. Come on..." she said

I wiped my tears with the back of my hand, my chest aching. "But how can I pretend to be okay when I'm breaking inside?"

"You think confessing to him right now would make you feel lighter?" she asked.

"no...." I whispered back.

"Then I guess, just be his friends right now. Be the same, Keep it the same." she said

Myra held me tighter. "You don't have to pretend. Just be there for him, as his best friend. Protect the friendship you have. That's something you can control. Don't push him away because you're hurting. He needs you, Tia. Don't make it harder for both of you."

I cried, nodding against her shoulder. "I just... I don't know if I'm strong enough for this, to see him go and to bid a bye."

"You are, Tia," she whispered. "You are stronger than you think. And when the time comes, you'll be able to say goodbye. But for now, just be with him, don't think much about the future."

Her words hung in the air, and I knew, deep down, that she was right. Even though I hated it, even though it hurt more than anything, I had to let him go. I had to be strong.

"Come on, you're not alone in this. I am there." she said and patted my head. I bet, there's no man in this world, who can comfort you more than a female friend can...that feeling of comfort and home you get with them is just...unexplainable. But i still didn't know if i could go and meet Sam face to face.