TILL INFINITIES END

18. AARUSHI

The conversation from the cafe followed every thought of mine like a shadow, darkening every thought. I tried to talk to him but he was just so disinterested. his words kept running in my brain, refusing to let me think anything else than all that.

One evening, after dinner, I sat in the balcony attached to the hall. i was on the phone with Nidhi, talking quietly, careful not to let anyone else hear any conversation.

"It's like this wall, Nidhi. The more I try to break it, the more my own hand bleeds." I say and cross my legs.

Nidhi sighed on the other end of the call. 

"You know, he literally said that I don't think I have the same faith. same faith? really? my blood boiled to know that it's so easy for him. And he is so cold...so so cold." I say.

"I understand, Aarushi." she says.

"I don't know how much longer I can do this. He's so distant, it's like he's a stranger now," I whispered.

Nidhi offered her support. "Aarushi, maybe he's...not able to say anything...maybe going through something. it could be possible"

"Then he should TALK, no? I have given him enough space and told him enough amount of times to not keep things from me, ever. then why is he not talking to me? I-" 

Just then, I noticed Tia standing in the hallway, her eyes filled with curiosity and doubt. Panic caught hold me—had she overheard? 

Quickly, I forced a light laugh, pretending everything was fine and I didn't notice her. 

"Yes, Nidhi, I'll pass on your wishes to Tia," I said loudly, making it seem as if Nidhi had called to check on Tia's exams. 

Nidhi smiles, "you're a good mother, Aarushi, take care. Bbye!" 

I put down the phone.

Tia walked over to the balcony, where I was sitting, and sat beside me.

"Who called, Mumma?" she asked, her voice tired but  curious.

"It was Nidhi Aunty," I replied,  "She wanted to check on your board exam prep."

she looked a little unconvinced so I changed the topic.

"You have science paper tomorrow, right? How's it going for tomorrow?"

Tia sighed, leaning her head on my shoulder. "I'm so tired, Mumma. But the prep is good. I just need to teach Sam two more chapters, and then I'll sleep."

"Come on, just one more night. It's your last paper." I say and cradle her face.

She still looks so tired.

I smiled, patting her head gently. "Coffee?" I offered, hoping to ease her.

Tia smiled and nodded. As I made my way to the kitchen, she walked with me and sat on the kitchen platform.

As I prepared the coffee, I looked her, her face reflecting worry.

"Are you tensed, Tia?" I asked, trying to keep my voice calm.

She looked at me, hesitating for a moment before nodding. "A little," she said.

I laughed, remembering how anxious I used to get during my own board exams, "You know, I was just like you during my boards. Always worried, always overthinking," I said, trying to ease her tension.

When I handed her the mug of coffee, she looked at me with those eyes and asked, "Mumma, when you were stressed during your exams, was Papa there with you?"

Her question left me aback. It brought back a flood of memories—of Varun, the teenage boy I had fallen in love with. The boy who would stay up late with me, helping me study, making me laugh when I felt like giving up. I missed that Varun, my varun...the one who was always there for me. But now, that version of him seemed so far away. I forced a laugh and nodded. "Yes, he was always there, Tia."

Tia smiled faintly, then asked, "Was I always like this since childhood, Mumma? Stressing and panicking and being so competitive?"

I laugh again. "Yes, you've always been like this. Ever since you were little, you've been so focused, so determined when it came to studies. You're just like me when I was your age."

Tia's eyes lit up with curiosity. "Really? dad and even Sam keeps saying I am your carbon copy!"

I nodded, with a little smile, "Yes, Tia. You have my blood. And Vyom..." i shake my head, "he has your father's genes, for sure."

Tia smiled.

"You're becoming a big girl, Tia," I said softly, my voice carrying emotions "It feels like just yesterday you were running around in that pink frock with matching earrings and hairpins, and now you're about to finish your boards."

Tia's smile grew wider. "Yes, Mumma. Also, I've decided—I want to become a doctor, just like you."

Right since she knew that there is something called as dreams, she always dreamt of becoming a doctor and I was proud of it.

"Of course, you will. You'll make an excellent doctor." I give her affirmations, wanting to make her feel better.

"Thanks, Mumma," she said, planting a kiss on my cheek before taking her coffee mug and heading to her room.

As I watched her go, my heart was filled with emotions. kids really light up your world. I was so proud of the young woman she was becoming, but at the same time, I was terrified of what the future held for her—and for us. my thoughts kept going back to that same place, the tension between Varun and me  on my mind, but I couldn't let it affect Tia or Vyom. For her sake, I had to keep going, to keep pretending that everything was fine, even when it wasn't.