TILL INFINITIES END

52. TIA

Myra had done everything she could to make me feel better. She'd planned this whole night just for us—a cozy girls' night, a movie time, something fun to distract me. But I couldn't shake this off, no matter how hard I tried.

Sam. His name, his face, his laugh, his everything—it was like a constant load, a constant weight and I could barely breathe beneath it.

There was a comedy movie playing in front of us, a film that was so good in humor, which usually made almost everyone laugh until they cried. I was looking at it, but I wasn't watching it. My eyes were locked on the screen, but nothing was really processing in my head. My heartbeat felt slow, like it was dropping deeper with every passing second.

Myra was trying so hard—pointing at the funniest parts, laughing out loud, trying to take me out of sadness, like she always did. I forced a faint smile, just for her. But the truth was...I was miles away.

I was with him.

The moment I smiled, my mind drifted, slipping into memories of Sam. Every part of me was screaming for him, aching for him. His laughter echoed in my mind, so loud it literally made me lost. The way he'd laugh so hard, his hand placing on his stomach, tears in his eyes, while we watched this same movie. I could see him so clearly—how his hair would fall into his eyes, and he'd brush it away without thinking.

His laugh. That stupid, infectious laugh that always made me smile even when I didn't want to. The way he'd throw his head back, hands running through his hair as if it would tame the mess, but it only made him look more perfect. I could see him, in that maroon t-shirt he wore all the time, the one with the black watch on his wrist. My heart clenched. 

God, I could picture him right now, like he was standing right in front of me, smiling at me the way he always did.

I blinked, and suddenly my vision blurred, the tears welling up without warning. I didn't want to cry. I wanted to be strong. But how could I?

Myra's laugh pulled me back to reality, but it was too late. The tears had already started, slipping silently down my cheeks. 

I didn't wipe them away. I couldn't.

It hurt too much.

"Tia?" Myra's voice was soft, concerned, like she could sense what was happening. She paused the movie, turning to look at me. And that was it. Hearing her say my name, so gently, so full of care—it broke me.

Sam's face hit me like a wave, all at once. His smile on farewell day, the way he had gently placed that cap on my head and carried all my bags. The way he'd given me those roses with that goofy face, as if everything was fine. His laugh, his voice, the way he always made me feel like I was the only person in the world who mattered. I saw it all so clearly, like a slideshow of every moment we'd ever shared, and it was too much.

I crumbled. This time, the tears came from deep within, from a place I didn't even know existed until Sam's name came in. I hug Myra, burying my face in her shoulder, crying like I hadn't cried in years. (Maybe ever.)

It wasn't just sadness—it was like everything I'd been holding inside had finally broken free, and I couldn't stop it.

"I'm sorry," Myra whispered, holding me tighter. "I thought the comedy movie would help."

I shook my head, still pressed into her shoulder. I didn't blame her, not even a little. I was lucky to have her, a friend who cared enough to try, who wanted so badly to make me okay again. I hugged her back, my grip tight, because I didn't want to let go.

I rested my head on Myra's shoulder, taking in the comfort she was giving me, but even in her arms, I felt lost. I closed my eyes, hoping to shut everything out, but it only made things worse.  And then, I saw him hugging me, the way he always did—his arms wrapped around me, his chest rising and falling beneath my cheek, the way I'd pull on his collar to bring him closer, to feel the beat of his heart against mine.

But now? Now he was gone.

I tried to sit up, forcing myself to stop crying, but I couldn't. The lump in my throat was so thick, it felt like I was choking on the words I wanted to say.

Myra looked at me with those soft eyes, full of concern. "Can I get you anything? Water?"

I shook my head, blinking away the tears. "You know, Myra..." My voice was shaky, almost like I was afraid to say it out loud, but I had to. "Today... I feel like I lost. Just...lost. Like, it's not that I don't have everything—because I do—but it's like, all of a sudden... everything, literally EVERYTHING just lost its value..."

A single tear slipped down my cheek as I said it, and Myra didn't hesitate. She pulled me back into a hug, tighter this time.

"Everything will be fine, Tia," she whispered, but I knew better. I didn't need false comfort right now. this was going to take long, pain long, hurt long.

"No," I whispered back, resting my head on my knees. "I just want him... I just want him beside me." The words barely made it out, but they were the truest thing I'd said all night. I didn't want a distraction, or a movie, or anything else. I wanted Sam. My Sam. I needed him. But he wasn't here.

Myra's hand moved in slow circles on my back, trying to soothe me. This pain—it wasn't something that could be fixed with hugs or comforting words. It was a hollow feeling, like something had been ripped out of me and left me bleeding.

Suddenly, my phone vibrated on the table, and both of us turned to look at it. Sam. His name flashed across the screen for the fourth time today. He was video-calling me, again, to show me the space and the hostel. I had been avoiding it, telling him I was out, lying about where I was because the thought of talking to him, of hearing his voice, was too much.

"You're not going to pick up?" Myra asked gently, her voice filled with concern.

I looked at the screen, my stomach twisting. It hurt too much to even think about answering. Seeing him, hearing him—it would break me. It was hard enough just remembering him. How could I look at him and pretend everything was okay when it wasn't?

I gently shook my head, my hand trembling as I cut the call. "I can't," I whispered. Another tear slipped down my face as I set the phone aside.

"Don't do this to him, Tia," Myra said softly, but I could hear the worry in her voice. "You know it's not right."

"I know," I admitted, my voice barely audible. "But I can't help it. It hurts too much, Myra. Too much. And I feel like...I would hurt him more, even if I connected with him." And that was the truth. Every time I thought about him, every time I remembered the way things used to be, it felt like someone was tearing me apart from the inside.

With a quiet sigh, I let the tears fall. Because right now, that was all I could do.

God, I beg you, please return my Sam to me...please?