[TD NoCo] Not So Hidden Desires

[7] Secrets

Today was absolutely crazy...
He walked up to me on his own!
I was just having lunch like any other Tuesday... and this guy walked over and sat on the same bench as me! He didn't really say anything, but his presence was enough.
It was already nice just like that... and then... out of nowhere... he moaned?? Nothing in the world could have prepared me for that... I feel embarrassed admitting that it affected me. But WHAT WAS HE THINKING?? WHO JUST DOES THAT??!! I had no choice but to get out of there...I didn't think I'd see him again. I didn't know how to feel about that interaction... but I didnt even have time to think about that because he ended up following me. He heard me doing all that... I'm so embarrassed... I want to crawl into a hole and die... maybe I can convince my parents to transfer schools so I'd never have to see him again...
I couldn't stop thinking about it all day. I couldn't... I couldn't even concentrate in class. I just wanted the bell to ring already so I could go home and hopefully never see him again. But...of course... he was looking at me. He was thinking about it too.... I didn't want him to have that image in his head... I had to change it somehow. We went to talk...but somehow... I don't know how... maybe this guy was actually crazy... but we ended up... in the bathroom stall... I can't even bring myself to write it down!!!! I can't believe we actually did that... it was embarrassing, but.... is it wrong to be this happy? It felt so good... I feel like such a pervert... I can't stop thinking about it...

First he pulled my pants down........
Laughing that stupid cute laugh of his.
He teased me, touched me... I couldn't take it anymore.

Cody heard a noise and quickly looked at Noah.

Noah was moving in his sleep but didn't seem to wake up.

Having been snapped back to reality, Cody took a moment to let what he read sink in.

He didn't know Noah has been hiding such deep feelings. He always has that poker face on.

Cody flipped the pages to read the latest entry. The writing was really messy compared to his usual neat handwriting.

My hand is shaking....but I'm determined to write this down. I don't want to forget.....
This all started when Cody basically forced me over to his house.

Cody was surprised to see his name written in black and white. Usually, Noah was pretty vague.

We were supposed to go over for sex, but somehow ended up playing video games instead. I was a little disappointed at first, but we had a great time. Too great. I didn't realize how late it had gotten. I had to go. I knew what was coming, but the later it was, the worse it would be so I just had to go. Right before leaving, Cody said the craziest thing. Actually, at this point, I don't know if he even said that. I must have imagined it. Anxiety was filling my brain so maybe I was just trying to make myself feel better. I mean, there's no way he actually wanted to kiss me, right? I want to kiss him so bad. I must have imagined it. That wouldn't be out of the ordinary anyway...
so I got home, and unsurprisingly, my parents were furious. As usual, I was met with screaming and treated as a shoe closet as slippers were thrown my way. I was hoping that would be the worst of it until my lovely mother decided to see if I had at least finished my homework. But, of course... she pulled this book out. The diary. Maybe it's my fault for using a regular notebook as a diary. I didn't know how else to hide it... anyway... she flipped through the pages. I already knew what was coming, so I didn't bother going to my room. She showed it to my father and down came his belt. After about half an hour, my mother decided to play victim and ran off crying somewhere. My father stopped for a second, and in that second I grabbed the diary and shoved it back in my bag. He noticed. Screamed. And threw me out. Locking the door, as if I'd be stupid enough to try walking back in.
Finally, I felt something I haven't been able to feel in a really long time. Relief. Without wasting a second, I walked to the nearest gas station and sneaked into the restroom. That's where I'm writing this from. It's really cold. I think it's half past 3 in the morning or something like that. There's no way I'm gonna be getting any sleep in this dirt hole. I can't wait till 7 am so I can go to school and use the shower... unfortunately, I don't have any other clothes, so I'll have to rewear these ones.
What am I gonna do? Sleep in disgusting bathrooms every night? I won't be able to live like this. I'd actually rather die. I was thinking... I could ask someone. If only I had friends. The only person I could ask is Cody. But I would feel really bad. Especially after some of the things he said. I don't want to take advantage of him. But he'd probably say yes. Maybe... I could exchange my body... I mean... he would like that, right? It's not like I would mind. I̶ w̶a̶n̶t̶ h̶i̶m̶ t̶o̶ u̶s̶e̶ m̶e̶ l̶i̶k̶e̶ a̶ s̶e̶x̶ d̶o̶l̶l̶. I might as well ask him. If he says no, then I'll just make my parents' dream come true and take a dive off the bridge and nothing will matter anyway. If he says yes... I'll probably die in a different way. H̶a̶p̶p̶i̶n̶e̶s̶s̶ . Maybe I'll die from exhaustion... I̶f̶ I̶ g̶e̶t̶ m̶y̶ w̶a̶y̶... I'm gonna calm down before I start writing my entries. I keep writing without thinking. I can't imagine if mom and dad read this page...well, whatever. That's over with.