I thought of it then, sometime after Rahul had left and I lay on the floor, cold and alone.I would never love anyone again.
I would never love Rahul again.
And yet, Zain had appeared and pulled me out of the turmoil that seemed to be eating away at me.
I told myself then that it was okay, that it would be okay to love someone again. Zain loved me, I could love him back and I could lead the life I always wanted to live.
And the more time I spent with Zain, the more I wanted it, the things that I'd unknowingly started wanting with Rahul.
I wanted to build a home, with fenced up gardens that stretched out all around the house, flowers that bloomed until I grew sick of counting them, a pond where I could sit by the man I loved, the man who loved me, soaking my feet in summer nights when a fan or ac didn't seem to be enough.
I wanted to bake food in our kitchen, where the skylight showered us in natural light while we marked our love with flour on each other's faces. I wanted to sit by him by the fireplace on cold days, laying my head in his lap while he stroked my head and ran his fingers through my hair.
I wanted to dance on our patio while it rained and poured down on us, when the clouds sang songs of thunder and we danced to the rhythm of the rain. I wanted to be kissed everywhere on my being, everywhere in my house. In our house.
I wanted to...
I wanted to have it all.
If not Rahul, then Zain.
It can't be Rahul, so Zain.
— — — — — —
I sit on my bed as the wind circles into my room from all the windows I opened a while back and yet I still feel like I can't breathe. My chest threatens to collapse in on itself.
Zain had called.
He had told me he loved me.
And I couldn't say it back.
I liked Zain, more than perhaps anything I've liked in a while. He made me happy, he listened to me, he encouraged me to pursue my dreams, he made me feel like I was the only one for him.
And I wanted to give all of myself to him in return, to love him truly and deeply with every fibre in my being. But I cannot seem to escape the shadow that lingers behind all our photo frames, in a house of memories and love that I started to build with Zain, there's a thought of Rahul that haunts me.
I sit on my bed and think of how this feels like betrayal.
To a man who loves me, another shouldn't even be crossing my mind.
— — — — — —
I'm walking down the street, walking past the buildings and someone on a bike passes by me. A woman on her phone, yelling at someone on the other line bumps into me and apologises before she rushes past. I smile, I missed New York.
I'm at the door to my company building, rummaging through my bag, trying to find a keycard I'd forgotten on my bedside table the night before. I'd taken it out to inspect my crooked eyeliner that I'd done in a hurry for the photo that it almost made my eyes seem different shapes. I'd been turning it this way and that to try and find a good angle but no matter what, my eye always looked lopsided.
I smack my forehead, "I can't believe this!" I feel like screaming, I left it in the hotel room. Even though the company had booked us hotel rooms not too far from here, a 30 minute walk back to my room wasn't exactly possible. I eye up the guards, I contemplate whether they'd be cooperative and confirm that I'm an actual orientation employee with the higher ups if I told them about what happened.
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Once Upon a Time in London
FanfictionAnjali Sharma and Rahul Khanna have always been at each other's throats. However, something their constant rivalry overlooked is that the line between love and hate is very thin...