Metanoia (Nihachu x Oc)

Chapter 13

Raven's mind is still filled with hesitation and rational assumptions. Every move she makes with Niki causes her to feel the strong desire to crumble up into a ball at the fear of mistakes. It eats her alive. But Niki was wonderful, she has been nothing but wonderful to her, for her. She wants to address her problems but it had nothing to do with Niki, nor was it Niki's fault. She feels that if she speaks about Niki it will come off as demanding for Niki to change, something she could never or need to ask for Niki.

She did what she always has. Run away from it and pretend it doesn't exists.

Every time she's with Niki on the beach, their Cafe, or even just watching in her flat being close to each other. Afterwards her mind would yell at her for things they think she did wrong, things she knew deep down no one would even notice or care for. 

As everything happened, she would pretend everything is normal with Niki, like they're happy, which they are. She soon came to the terrible decision of distancing herself once again. She would say she's busy with work or school, even on the weekends she would say she is buried in school work or planning on streaming, which is true. Her worries and work has caused her mountain of her work to pile up, taunting her, the worry about that stopped her from getting it done even more.

She has caught the attention of people in Ranboo's community and other of her friends too, she's gained thousands of average viewers. Her twitch  wallet contained nearly a thousand pounds of donations alone. That was without the guide of her soon coming paycheck from Twitch themselves. She's been close to paying up the money she used on her inheritance, which she desires to save up as much as she can.

Niki would always ask her for anything that can make them spend time, but it's often left to herself  for days on end. There are days when she doesn't get an answer or even one of Raven's repeated excuses.

Days of proposing a sit on the beach, or a quick breakfast or an offer to get her from work, always refused. Niki felt alone, of course. Having a girlfriend who refuses to spend the mere minutes out of hours in a day, refuses to talk or ask for her help. She feels abandoned.

Weeks of this, and they're soon to get on a plane to New York. The lack of communication has left Niki to hesitate and doubt whether Raven still wants to come, or does she want to abandon that too?

There are subtle moments where she feels a hint of anger in her, anger that she quickly dismisses to try and understand Raven's fears and feelings. She truly cares and even say love her, but Raven's walls are impossibly high for her to climb and pass through, nor does she want to, if Raven wants space she will get it.

The rehearsal in New York is coming up soon. Do you still want to come?"  Niki texted in one of her lonely hours. She tries to let the time pass as alway, hours of streaming and editing her own videos and getting work done; playing with her cats, at least they don't leave her. Her text and hopes of a response came back to her mind.

She gets up off the floor from playing with the pets; picks up her phone from the table in the kitchen to see not a trace of a message from her. She's seen her message and clearly has read it but still chooses to ignore it and not give her an answer.

Weeks of this. She was prepared to help Raven in any way she could, what she was not prepared for was to be completely abandoned and forgotten; ignored like a doll she doesn't play with anymore as time passes. Today has been the last straw for her, today, not one person has spoken to her, not even Wilbur who was busy with his rock star life. It's not their fault but she has been clearly ignored, she has been sitting in her gaming chair; in her empty flat for the entire day. When she has a girlfriend she doesn't have a clue where.

She looked at the light through her window, or lack thereof. It was night.  She looked at her phone, on the screen the ignored messages today, along with the previous ones of her refused proposal of quality time or completely ignored. Laughing at her in the face, pissing her off. She looks at the tiny text at the top corner, reading the time now.