The Neighbor Next Door

Self Hatred

He had received plenty of texts on Saturday after asking Fan to tell them he was okay now. He read them-- the ones from his brother, at least, but he still just didn't have the heart to respond. He had screwed up big time, and he didn't know how he was going to get himself out of this. He appreciated the concern, he really did, and he wasn't... He wasn't okay, but he was fine. He was going to be fine eventually like always anyways, he just... It was scarier to start this slow upward climb when other people are worried. An impossible mountain to climb, that he has to show he's okay, even if he isn't, just so they'll stop being so... So worried. He didn't intend for any of this to happen. He didn't want to have that dream, he didn't want to pass out, he didn't want OJ to find him, or for the guy's sister to have to check up on him. For anyone to know he was a robot. Every time he had told someone in his life when he was still growing up, it was always obvious disbelief, or it changed everything. In the very limited instances he actually told anyone. Only two people, really. But that was more than too many, along with the people who knew now, the person he wants to be close with, despite needing his distance for both of their well being.

This changed everything in MePhone's eyes, and he just didn't know what to do.

It was Sunday afternoon when he finally mustered the courage to at least text his brother.

'im sorry about what happened. im sorry for making you worry and i know its my fault. i dont want you to have to take time out of ur life to have to see me again. i want to be better. ill just try harder.' A justification. An excuse, really. He could only really apologize, too. There was nothing else he could've said. He probably should've just left it at an 'im sorry' but it was a little late for that. He didn't even want to see any possible response. He wanted to chuck his phone across his room, and never look at it again, but that was unreasonable. He just had to avoid having another... Episode like yesterday. That was fine. He was fine now. It didn't matter how numb he felt today, he was fine.

And like any normal, fine person, he jolted as he was texted back, immediately almost slamming his phone against his desk out of panic.

He wasn't normal, or fine. But he at least could pretend over text. After a moment of calming himself down, reassuring himself the text can't be that bad, and surely he was just overreacting for the millionth time this week alone, he picked his phone back up, relieved he hadn't accidentally cracked it or anything when he had put it down so forcibly.

'None of this is your fault, okay? Getting stressed sucks, and I've been there. I just need you to know I really don't mind if I have to come back. If you don't want me to though, I won't.' This seemed to avoid the several elephants in the room, but honestly MePhone was so thankful for that. One of the last things he remembered before passing out was the fact that he was told about what happened on Monday, and he just... He didn't think he could have that talk with him. There were so many factors to that, that he didn't have the heart to explain, or even believe for himself, really. He still believes he was just acting poorly. That it was some big thing for nothing when it didn't need to be. He said it wasn't his fault, that none of this was, and... MePhone wanted to believe that, but he was just such a burden to everyone around him this week that it couldn't be true. This was his fault. He'd get over it eventually though, surely. He just hoped the other two would, too.

3gs also just framed it as 'stress'. MePhone could work with that. He was just stressed. That's what it was.

Not technically a lie, but sure as hell not the full truth, either. He didn't have the heart to go into that though.

'ill be fine'

'Promise' He just sighed, setting his phone down again for the time being. He still had to talk to OJ. He knew he did, he just never felt ready, and each time he stalled, adding up from this past week as a whole, it only really got worse. He didn't really know what to do, honestly. All of this was just so difficult. Everything weighed down on him so terribly lately.