My Diary

9-2-2024

Dear diary,

Until now my book doesn't have any reads. I thought a diary would help to get more reads. But it didn't. Today was a little bit different then other days. The girl from my friend group, who forgot me in the quiz, is still sick. I hope she will be better soon.

I also did an English test yesterday. I don't know if I mentioned that but I have my mark back. I thought it would have been an insufficient since I never had a sufficient this year. At least not yet. Today I got my mark back and I had a fucking 10! I am so happy!

I also have more good news. In art & design today, I was scraping some glue of the table. And my crush, let's call him Hunter for a second, he sat on the other side of the class. Sometimes I looked up and everytime my gaze landed on him. And that's also when I found him staring right into my soul. 

While scraping the glue off, I sometimes made a gag motion to make my friends laugh and I also heard Hunter laugh! Does that mean he likes me? Please feed my delusions because I don't know anymore.

One of my other friends, cut her hair today. It is pretty short and half of it is brown and the other half is blonde. It's really pretty actually. It has more details than mine blonde, slightly wavy hair. It reaches the middle of my back.

But also, the vacation started! I really want a glow-up this time! I want Hunter to think that I am pretty and I want him to actually notice me, if he didn't already.

But in those quizzes yesterday, I was the biggest simp, the dumbest one and I had the best music taste. The last one I understand but I am not the biggest simp. I barely talk about my crush and if I talk about him, it is mostly to one friend only. 

It also kinda hurts that I am the dumbest. I tried too hard to change when I went from the primary school to middle school. First I was smart, calm, I liked to read and I was the quiet kid. But since I arrived at my school I am the dumbest bitch ever. It is what I am known for and maybe I just like to be known about something.

But I am not dumb. The opposite actually. I know that I am failing a lot classes but that is because I don't study. I bet that if I study I could get 10s only. I am also not the biggest simp. I don't just like someone, I just want a boyfriend. Haven't had one since 5 years ago when I was 8. Funny how time flies.

But I swear to you that I am smart. One of my favorite things is reading and to prove myself to my friends I actually step out of my comfort zone every time. Will I ever stop pretending to be someone I'm not? 

I also like to be kind to other people. I hate it when I'm mean. "You will never regret being kind." That is what my mom once told me. It is what I held onto for all these years. Maybe someone will be nice to me for a change.

Anyway, I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow.

<3