My Diary

28-3-2024

Dear diary,

I'm so fucking dumb

I am failing almost everything. Except for the languages.

I have to stop with gymnasium. I have to step over to atheneum.

I told my friends and now they hate me. The one that self harmed herself started again and it feels like it is my fault. She was clean for a week and now she isn't anymore.

Everything just seems to be my fault.

You know what a "friend" told me when I told her that I couldn't make gymnasium if I continued? She said exactly this: 'Then why do you fail everything?!' 

And now I'm crying. Isn't that funny?

It started because of this and now I am listening to music and then I started thinking about Nala and about my insecurities and then I just cried over my whole life.

I can't even write this with a straight face.

Oh and I am starting with the quotes again.

Your life isn't yours if you always care what others think.

I have been so busy with trying to keep Claire from self harming and keeping everyone happy, that I stopped listening to myself. Plants drown when watered too much and I never learned to stop giving.

I apologized a 100 times to Claire because I feel like she started sh again bc of me. And then she said that it just makes it worse and I just, I can't.

I hate myself right now.

Claire and June hate me. Great.

But I can't hate Claire. I have to stop her from self harming again.

I am going to listen to sad music now!

Bye guys I love you all <33