Christian Poems

My Faults

My list of faults is long and unending.

Jesus, I'm sorry that my sins and foolish ways led to Your death. My faults put the holes in Your hands. My transgressions caused You to be scourged.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I don't always comprehend what You went through. Or the reality of what Your death means for me.

I know it means that I'm free. That I have redemption. That I'm justified before God by believing in You. Though, I fail to even remember this at times.

I forget about how powerful Your grace is. I forget that I'm under the New Covenant. Of love and grace. That it doesn't please You that any should perish. That You are pleased to welcome me into Your Kingdom.

But my guilt and acknowledgement of my sins are too much sometimes. I know where I lack. It seems that my faults are so countless that it's overwhelming. But I feel maybe I should work strategically. Pick one, or a few to start and work from there.

Write down what I still struggle with and find scripture to motivate me to change my ways. To find scripture on how. To spend time in the word and prayer to hear Your voice. To abide in You.

But my faults drag me down. I feel there is nothing I have done since I've been saved that has brought any pleasure to You. I struggle with finance, so I don't tithe. I don't really help people with my money. I have intrusive thoughts I don't want.

For example, if I am weeping before You, and verbally lower myself, I think back to the Bible of how it's something someone would say to humble themselves to be an example or to be commended by You. I'd think that id be on that level. Noticing anything I say that might be humble and thinking it humble defeats the whole purpose.

I don't wanna think that way. It just happens. Even if I do truly feel the way I describe. Like, tonight as I write this. I cried for a good while. As tears were running down my face, I was reminded of the woman from the Bible who washed Your feet with her tears. And her hair. And kissed Your feet.

I told You my tears weren't worthy to drop on Your feet. My hair unworthy to clean them. My lips unworthy to kiss them. It's definitely something people often said in the Bible when humbling themselves, that they were unworthy. And while I felt it with my whole being, I felt guilty for concluding that what I said was humbling.

I'm prideful, selfish, easily angered. Sometimes I feel like a Pharisee. Like I'm somebody else in front of people. Especially when I'm in one of my better moods. They might assume I'm always like that. I may appear to them faultless. It's easy to pretend you're good when nothing is wrong. When no temptations are around.

I'm more judgemental than I should be. I'm only now really understanding the practice of forgiveness. I need to realize that I'm a sinner like everyone else. I shouldn't get annoyed or upset quickly. I should be patient with others.

And the thing is, I have high hopes for who I want to be in You. Even though my hope doesn't matter, what matters is the plan You have for me. Not my own vision. It all seems in vain. Like I'll never change or get there. But thankfully I read something today in Luke that told me otherwise. It said that what's impossible with men, is possible with God.

So I'm thankful I have You, especially because of my faults. But I must come to terms there is much to praise You about. Yes, I still struggle. And yes, I sin. But You've healed me from a lot too. You've broken chains and put my old haunts to rest. I find sweet solace in You.

I must also know that faith isn't a feeling, but a choice. An action. I must have faith that You love me even when I don't feel You. I must trust in Your word. As I heard lately, feelings are fleeting. But I can fight feelings with Your word. Because Your word is eternal. It won't pass away. It's living.

I will use Your word to keep me going. I will depend on You for everything. I'm not myself, but Your servant. I'm Yours and forever will be. You created me for a purpose. Faults and all. Now, I only hope You'll use them to bring others to You. To use my testimony to show others that they can heal. If I can be free, anybody can be free.

Thank You, Jesus, for saving my life. For calling me away from hell and welcoming me into Your arms. Though I'll never understand the love You have for me, I'll trust in it. I'll trust my faults will be mended. I'll trust that You're not done with me. I'll have faith that I can do anything with You. I'll proclaim what You've done for me. I'll know that I'm never alone.

You are my loving Father and Friend. My Guide and Teacher. You're my Healer and Savior.

Trade my flesh for Your spirit. My hardened heart for a heart of love. My faults for Your righteousness.

Amen