Christian Poems

My Fast

Lord, what a blessing this fast has been. It happened so suddenly too. A friend of mine at a mentor meeting was mentioning how she once had done a twenty one day prayer fast- almost a month of praying over one thing the entire time.

After the gathering, I sat in the backseat of my other friend's car, who was driving me home. While the driver and passenger chatted, I bowed my head against the seat ahead of me, listening to the worship song that was on. I started silently crying, praying to God.

I knew I wanted to steal that idea, and use it myself. So I did. That night, I texted my fellowship group chat and told them I'd be deleting the app until further notice.

But WHY had I done this? That's the bigger question. I suppose it blends in with different reasons. But I knew I needed to set boundaries with a guy I liked. It's one sided. I care too much. I need to move on. I need to stop using him as a clutch in my MD. Which is another problem in itself.

I set up boundaries that id follow inside and out of my fast. In it- I wouldn't attend any group hang outs he was at. Which was mostly all of them. So, the fear of missing out was real. However, I had some rocks within my friend group keeping me going. One who kept inviting me, even though she knew I would always decline. And one who I can't thank God enough for- for her endless support and encouragement and prayers. What a blessing God has given me in her.

My fast was a great experience. It started in a high. An intense joy of the spirit. Being peaceful, without  distractions of keeping up with plans. I had quiet and focused on God.

Then it turned into soul searching. To get to the root of my problems, to be healed and renewed by the Lord. I listened to sermons and podcasts that spoke to me. I felt God telling me I had to mourn the negatives in my past. To acknowledge the emotional baggage and truly hand it over to Him.

God has shown Himself so faithful in this time. He has protected me from the person I needed to take this break from. He gave me comfort and love and strength. He became my one true love. My best friend.

Then I entered the trial and testing era of my fast. Tensions in the house that could drive anyone mad. It drove me to tears. Sobbing in my room. But it turned into a Spirit led talk. With me preaching and teaching to my parents. Being honest about things I never have before...
A kitten passed away unexpectedly. But I refused to give into Satan. I refused to use Maladaptive Daydreaming as a way out. I refused to comfort myself through false illusions.
God gave me His peace in return for obeying Him...
Then I was forced to make a decision. To go with a friend somewhere I said I would go or listen to the anxious conviction I had not to go. I couldn't understand why. I had a few ideas, but none seemed that plausible. So I doubted what was the true will of God in that moment. Days went by, the urgency to make a choice never wavering. So, I told God in my secret place that I had the pick, right then and there. He didn't tell me what to do. However, a word came to me- I had to take a leap of faith.

I picked up my phone and told the friend I couldn't make it. I didn't feel the instant gratification until my friend texted me back saying the guy I was fasting from had just agreed to go too.

God's protection once again! I was in complete shock of God's guidance and looking out for me. I immediately called a friend to speak of what God had done. Then texted a few trusted people to glorify God.

My fast is now over. There's been highs. There's been lows. And I wouldn't trade that experience for the world. It taught me a lot. I only wanna grow stronger. I want to keep that a habit. I feel chains breaking. Though I may still struggle, I want God my number one focus.

I also want people to know what He has done for me. I want to share this testimony to anyone who would listen. I want to speak His goodness. I've seen Him work and move in ways I never have. And in such a short time frame at that.

Lord, to You be all the glory. Let my praises hit Your ears. Let me speak of Your goodness to people. You're so incredibly good. No words are big enough to explain what You have meant to me these past twenty one days. Thank You, Jesus, for everything