Christian Poems

I'm sorry

Lord Jesus,

I'm sorry

I need to confess myself and bring myself before You. I'm currently sick, although better than I was, which is truly all thanks to You and Your healing power.

I admit that when I'm sick I tend to choose entertainment on my phone for hours. I feel too weak and too darkness preferenced to consider turning on the light and putting in work to do Bible stuff. And though sleep and rest is needed when sick, I haven't been in Your word in two days.

I can make excuses all I want and ignore the truth, but it's still there. I've been falling back. Listening to music I was swearing off- secular music in general. I've been spending hours watching YouTube and allowing myself to fall into older habits. Ones I know better than to visit again.

I'm sorry that I did these things. That I kept telling myself I'd spend time with You, but then not doing it. Id tell myself "in the morning" or "tomorrow I will" or "later" but none rang true.

Tonight, I spent time watching Son of God and that made me think. I obviously got emotional, tearing up at everything. I knew that I needed to witness the kindness of Jesus. Especially because I'm more of a visual learner and experiencer. I need to see how Jesus would've delivered some lines or actions He did.

It makes it real. And nothing can help me to know what pain You went through for me. Such an innocent man, and a gruesome torturous punishment. And it made me realize I was taking for granted the gift You gave me. You gave me a second chance at life. A new life. You installed in me, the Holy Spirit and promised me eternal life, and I use it poorly whilst sick.

I'm sorry, Lord, for not living up to who You want me to be. I'm sorry for falling on my face. I'm sorry for being the nails in Your hands and feet and the spear in Your side. I'm sorry that all my sins caused You to die a death You didn't deserve. And I'm sorry that I'm reckless with Your sacrifice at times.

But I also know that You love me. You've been showing me Your goodness daily, which still leaves me in awe. And I'm seeing Your loving kindness towards me. Still remembering how You prompted a friend to pray for me about the same thing I was thinking of in the exact moment I needed it. Makes me feel seen and loved by You.

I know You, like a shepherd, are happy when a lost sheep returns. You are happy when a sinner repents. And I did say, that when I fall and stumble and feel like running away, I need to run to You, instead. Only with You, may I find forgiveness for my faults. I need to change and turn back around, and only with You, do I find that strength.

Even writing this, fills me with hope. I feel Your care pouring out unto me. I know Your presence is upon me. I know You are there, waiting for my return. I know I deserve rebuke. I'm not saying I don't, but I'm glad You're welcoming me home. As a Father who loves His daughter. And as such, You'll discipline me. Which I'm willing to take. Not just because I deserve it. But honestly, a day of discipline and rebuke with You, is better than being in the world.

I'm sorry I lost sight of that. I love You, my God. My King. My Savior. My Father. My Friend. My Brother, Jesus. You have saved me. You are for me and with me. You've healed me. And You hear me when I call upon You. I no longer spend time of sickness away from You. I come back to spend it close to You, longing for You.

I thirst.

Being away from You left me quenched in Spirit. I need You. I ask, Lord, for Your forgiveness for my backsliding. Being sick isn't an excuse. I apologize for taking for granted Your death. Help strengthen me to return to full health in You. To be strong and not give into Satan or the world. Help me be one with You, Jesus as You are with the Father. Help me abide in You, for I truly can't do anything apart from You. You're my vine. I'm dead without You. You're my life. My only hope. My lifeline.

Forgive me and help me.

I'm sorry.

I'm coming back home

Love,

Yours