Christian Poems

Unexpected Loss

So unexpected.

But that's how most hurts enter our lives, isn't it?

We just live our lives, living with the hope of another day. Never expecting something could go wrong. Like the fire that happened to one of the apartments in my complex. None of those people thought they'd wake up that day, with all their possessions destroyed. They didn't know they would have to be uprooted from their home and to be taken care of by others. By friends or family. By the Red Cross.

Losing an animal isn't to that extreme. Nor effects as many people. But how unexpected their passing can be.

Our little runt of the family. Not quite yet a year old. Cricket. Her name came from the little hooked crick she had in her tail. Never seen a cat with it before, but it was charming. She won the heart of my family, even my brother.

Being the runt, she was little. She was skinny, fragile and had breathing problems since her birth. We went to the vet when she had an infection, they said no word about the breathing. Not necessarily in ignorance, but maybe it wasn't seen as too serious? My mom said she saw the signs recently. Her breathing getting worse.

But she was so happy. She even ate the morning of her passing. She loved to eat. She loved my dad, who spoiled her above all our other pets. She was his favored. And now he's been deprived of that.

I was barely conscience when I received the news that morning. Only had about three hours of sleep in me. My mom came into my room, telling me the news. I was shocked and couldn't believe it. But I took the news. The day was busy, and so I acted normally with my dad. At least, I did after the talk my mom and dad and I had.

I'm worried though, I'm worried about my family. My dad, who was enchanted by the cat. His joy was stolen from him. I'm worried that he'll break. That he'll see nothing to stay in this family for. But I'm hoping that the saying 'tragedy brings people together' will ring true with us.

I'm hoping my family can talk about our feelings and not push them deep inside. That's all I've ever done. Because I wasn't used to any other way. But also because I hate feeling weak. Crying in front of people. I don't let it happen. Unless I physically can't control the tears caused by intense sadness or helplessness.

Lord Jesus, please help us through this unexpected loss. Help there be peace over my family, but please show favor to my dad who needs it. Spark love in his heart.

Help me, Lord, to not fall into daydreaming my pain away. All day, I was ignorant. On purpose? I'm not sure. I was busy. I think I was in denial. I didn't want to accept it. Something in the back of my mind didn't want to. Maybe I didn't have the time to accept it. Now it's hitting. Why did she have to go so unexpected? So out of the blue.

Although, was it really?

I know she had a good life. And I can try and see the good You'll work through this. It pushed my mom to want to get our pet population under control at home. It's also good that Cricket won't be in any distress anymore. And maybe, God willing, our family bonds will strengthen. Maybe I'll learn to use this hurt to find comfort solely in You. To control my thoughts, to not let them slip away to finding my own peace in my head and imaginations.

But Lord, please help my family. With our hurts. Our problems. There are so many things in my life that seem overwhelming at times. The fact that I can barely allow myself to mourn the pain that life brings. I hate showing weakness. I have a hard time expressing things. God, help me to allow healthy coping mechanisms into my life. Like, seeking You. Seeking real conversations and bonding rather than fake ones in my head. In my head, I find the perfect comfort. And I have no risk of looking weak or crazy. I get help from people I may be scared of going to in person.

But I want to rise above this curse. This chain. Lord, heal our broken hearts. Wipe away our tears. Turn the mourning into joy- eventually. Help us focus on You and Your promises. Help this unexpected loss not be another reason this family sinks.

I'm starting to feel Your love, Lord. Your presence. Your arms are around me. May You be wrapping my family in those same arms. Thank You for helping me, strengthening me and honoring me when I choose what is better. You saw me fighting these thoughts. The perseverance to do right by You. And I feel You. The devil had no power over me. He must flee. I will resist him, and You promised he will flee. He ran away from me this evening. You came to tend to me. Just as You sent angels to minister to Jesus after His temptations from Satan.

Thank You, Jesus. For being good. For being present. For bringing me close to You. For speaking to me so much recently. For helping me see that there is much to change about me, but that it isn't a hopeless change. That it will happen, in Your mighty Name. And thank You that we are on a stand down at work, that gave me the time to write all my feelings out like this.

Thank You, Lord, that death is not the end for those who love You. Make beauty out of ashes, Lord. I know You will. You're able. I'm Your clay. You're making me to be Your precious masterpiece. I'm continually being made stronger in You, in order to be the woman You made me to be.

Thank You, Lord.

In Jesus Name,

Amen